A Kansas State of Mind

I was on a video conference call this afternoon with a powerful group of shamans, and we were investigating the source of anxiety we all had been feeling this past few weeks. I had been pointing out the irony of my "Going Home to Kansas" project and how I still felt estranged from my home, despite physically being a few hundred yards from where I came into this incarnation. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind battered at my front door, loud enough to be heard by the others on the call, and immediately one of the group declared, "The wind recognizes you!" The wind suddenly died down as if to say, "Yes! I do recognize you."

A sort of inner bell sounded deep in my psyche, and I immediately recognized how the land, the weather, the air had been greeting me since I arrived in my new house. This was a breakthrough for me, because I have tended to live my life as if someone else was living it--separated from my true origins, a sort of fugitive on the run from a life I've never known. The wind reminded me of this, as though it had been tracking me the entire 66 years I'd been away from this land.

My intent for moving my body from the warm and sunny climes of Southern California to the pronounced seasonal climate of Southern Kansas was completely metaphorical. Something or someone was nudging me in a deep and poignant way to return to my roots--return to a place where I truly felt "homeness". What I mean by "homeness" is that deep, core feeling that everything is good, all needs are cared for, and where I am loved and cherished, and am in full touch with my universal power and infiniteness of being.

We began to discuss what a false dichotomy it is to separate the self as spirit, or consciousness, from physical experience and the body. The non-dualistic truth is that there is no separation between spiritual and physical. In fact, this false separation could be considered one of the oldest divide-and-conquer tricks perpetrated by the Controllers in the master-slave power games.

By observing Self as consciousness throughout matter, it puts us in a powerful creative position. There is no uncertainty about what is going to be reflected back to us--we are just BEING, and the swirling of physical matter we call the perception of life is merely responding to that being. When there is a false sense of separation, we develop anxieties about what "The Other" is going to "do" to us. We get all caught up in the victimization drama of being separated from our own creations. The Universe then begins to respond to our victimization, and down the rabbit hole we go, hands wringing, and sweat pouring.

By simply being fully assured of being, we find ourselves out ahead of life. We see our experience as truly and simply following our lead. There is no confusion about this as there was before. I've written about how Don Genaro taught Carlos Castaneda that the shaman (or Nagual in Toltec parlance) remains "in front of" life--able to see its approach clearly and completely. He can do this because he is completely at home in his being, undistracted by unpredictable uncertainties. He is undistracted because he perceives from a place of clear-eyed truth about who he is, and what he is being.

Appropriate to the Land of Oz here in Kansas, as the good witch Glenda advised Dorothy, "You've had the way to get home all along. Just click those heels of your ruby slippers together three times, and say, 'There's no place like home... There's no place like home... There's no place like home.'" We say that because Home is the ultimate and powerful state of being that has always been available to us, no matter what rabbit holes we wander down, or what victimized dramas we make so serious. Home is always within us. Hey, I can see Emerald City from here!

Law of Attraction Quicksand

One of my favorite "observationalists" is the "controversial guru", Teal Swan. She consistently manages to dig down to the basic fundamentals of most any cultural construct, assumption or judgment. Kudos to Teal. Look her up on YouTube if you haven't already.

Anyway, in one of her videos she de-constructs the Law of Attraction. Most "new ager" types, or novices in the field of energy manifestation, will know of this Law. And yet, few understand the sort of trapdoor that exists in the application of the law that can end one up deep in a quicksand quagmire of self-doubt, depression, victimhood and negativity.

The unseen problem with this Law, is that we are dealing with TWO (count 'em) TWO points where the Universe is responding according to the Law of Attraction: 1) Your higher self, or multi-dimensional self; and 2) your temporal self, experiencing itself in a physical body in this time-space three-dimensional linear timeline reality.

This creates two completely different experiences. The higher self sees the BIG picture of the life stream it is living temporally, and the temporal self, down in the streets, can see only the past and now, with no ability to see the future outside of guestimates, judgments and conclusions about what should be.

The higher self sees the entire lifespan, with its growth opportunities and infinite potentials. The temporal self sees the present moment, with all its needs, desires and logistics.

Enter that pesky Law of Attraction that acts as a gigantic mirror of BOTH selves highest intentions, lowest desires and temporal feelings. The universe reflects back to the embodied you what is your dominate temporal state of choices, responses and feelings. Simultaneously, it reflects back to the higher self all the infinite possibilities it has available to it for the temporal self outside of time-space.

This is a perfect set up for suffering for the temporal self. The temporal self usually has a whole raft of what it will deem "acceptable" and "what is supposed to be". The higher self has no such viewpoint. It only sees the potentials for growth.

So, when those inevitable lessons of life come along, our responses to those lessons are reflected back to us on top of any actions we take. So you can end up in an endless loop of negative responses because the universe, per the Law of Attraction, is showing you more and more circumstances to match your negative responses to whatever the lesson is.

Of course, to the higher self, nothing is wrong. All it sees is how you're progressing toward the highest expression of yourself. If we are not onboard with that, then down into the quicksand quagmire we go. To the degree we are resisting the negativity that is teaching us, or testing us, is the degree those lessons will continue to be taught.

The solution is to be in allowance of all perceived "setbacks", "letdowns", "fears", and "shouldn't be happenings". Be excited and inspired when these events or circumstances occur, because you know in your heart that by allowing them and not judging them, they are changing you into a higher version of yourself. This response then takes away any necessity to repeat the unwanted or negative experience. The universe then reflects back circumstances of excitement and inspiration.

As the comedian, Bill Hicks, famously observed, "Life is just a ride". The trick is be enjoy and appreciate BOTH the ups and the downs.s

De-constructing the Bureaucracy of Self

Humans are funny mammals--funny tragic, that is. At our core we are infinite spiritual beings, and by the time you zoom in through all the levels of power dissipation, we're left with individuals with tragically limited personal power, separated and compartmented into a matrix of beliefs about who and even what we are.

I've been stepping up time spent in clearing meditations (see Two Tools), and as I shoveled on through what sometimes seems like miles of decisions, judgments, conclusions, choices and self-evaluations, the image of a huge bureaucracy came to mind. And this huge bureaucracy was making up who I think I am, or have been.

Let's see. We have The Shoulds Department, where I can wallow in suffering because things should be different--as if that's going to change anything. But it's great for copping out and not confronting the truth of a given situation.

Then there's The But Department. Here we have the thousands of employees that immediately yell out, "BUT" when any idea that might lead to more freedom or personal power is broadcast. This is designed to maintain the status quo so there is no failure should the idea actually attempt fruition. After all, the worst BUT of all springs from the fear of failure or success.

Ah, yes. The Conclusion Department. This is the shut-off valve for practically any access to infinite possibilities. I can search for answers here, and this department will spit out the immediate reasons why such and such is true. For example, I can ask, "Why is my bank account so depleted this month?". A typical answer from the Conclusion Department is, "You didn't work hard enough," or, "The economy is down overall, globally, so that's why." Oh, okay. So I'll work more hours doing what I've always done. Ugh.

And, my favorite: The Judgement Department. Here I can dependably find all the self-evaluations, conclusions about others' behaviors, my body appearance, and of course, all the "hard data" about how I've messed things up, and how I could have done that better, but will never do it. Here I can cop out of trying to access any personal power, because, well, you know, I just don't have what it takes, I'm not good enough, and it's too much work, and no one cares anyway about what I have to say, or what I do.

We are complex beings. In fact, it is our complexity that limits us. We make things so complicated when we consider our infiniteness, our immediate access to total freedom, and our direct connection to Universal intelligence, that it looks like an impossibility that these desirable states are actually attainable.

We dumb ourselves down in order to conform to a set of arbitrary rules and laws. Why? To discover our infiniteness and our total freedom, apparently. The funny tragic thing about that is we can choose to break out of the bureaucracy of self and relatively immediately find ourselves shining like a star in Universal Oneness, unencumbered by the box we have called "life".

The Nature of Being Human

The other day, I found myself in a group visualization meditation with a prominent local psychic. She led us to an expansive garden and then asked us to find the tour guide for the garden, and ask the guide for a special message just for me. Immediately, there appeared a deep blood-red rosebud. The rosebud spoke, saying, "Humans' DNA is programmed just like ours: to bloom into a beautiful flower--to attain a higher state. It is the Law of the Universe."

As we came out of the meditation I was struck with the significance of that comment from the rosebud guide. Essentially, built in to the human DNA is the process of "becoming" or the ultimate evolution, which is spiritual enlightenment and mastery over life. It is built in.

In other words, it is the basic nature of humans to attain higher and higher states of awareness and consciousness. In scientific fact, it has been recently discovered and realized that the human brain operates in as many as 11 mathematical dimensions. These are apparently necessary to "step down" and assimilate the infinitely vast amounts of information inherent in every moment in such as way as to render it coherent to the extremely limited human senses.

Additionally, these dimensional operating modes are capable of accessing multiple universes and high states of consciousness. Psychedelic pioneer, Terence McKenna, made many breakthrough studies about the multi-dimensional nature of the human mind, where, with the help of such psychedelic substances as pure DMT and other plant hallucinogens, he brought back remarkable and repeatable experiences of advanced beings actually "hard-wired" within our lives, helping to guide us to our ulitmate flowering.

This jibes with recent discoveries that are leading some physicists to claim that the entire universe is conscious, and that every particle contains intelligence. Additionally, there have been several studies leading physicists to conclude that sub-atomic particles have the ability to shift instantly to parallel universes and travel instantaneously among them. This "quantum jumping" effect is what makes quantum computing possible--where the computer simply goes to a universe where the proposed problem has already been solved and retrieves the answer.

Some researchers have gone as far as suggesting that our own consciousness drives not only what we perceive, but events that occur in our local space-time. In other words, what we desire to see is what the intelligences of the universe deliver to us. Since most of us are buffered from total and complete knowledge of who and what we actually are, the illusion is created that life is "happening to us", when in truth, life is happening as a result of us.

After the meditation session with the rosebud guide, I noticed the guide continued to accompany me for several days. At one point it said, "Humans regulate themselves down. They make themselves less than what they are in order to fit in with cultural norms set by other humans who would control them. Release yourself from control, and become aware of the incredible and infinite power you have available to you as part of the original equipment. In another other word: Bloom!"

Giving Up Utopia: The Double Down

Last issue I wrote about letting go of your personal Utopia. I got some flack about that statement, being accused of dashing any hope for living, and dealing an existential blow to dreams and goals.

Well, maybe that's a good thing. The whole idea of living the quantum life is to live in possibility. Yes, Utopias are a single possibility. The thing is, there are infinitely more possibilities than that. What looks like Utopia today, is not what it's going to look like five years from now. In fact, it is almost guaranteed it will never happen, ever, because there is a judgement about how life is not living up to this projected Utopia and a huge conclusion that happiness is only possible within that Utopia.

The Universe responds first to conclusions and judgements. "I can't be happy until these conditions are met." The Universe hears, "I have unhappiness with these conditions," and so continues to deliver that. This is because how you respond to not having certain Utopian conditions is the energy the Universe is referencing in its response.

A much more effective quantum living approach is "These are the current conditions of my life. Now... How does it get better? What else is possible?" Live in those questions for a while without bemoaning anything about those conditions. Instead, be curious about how things are changing for the better--meaning changing toward more and more possibility that in turn offers more and more choice, and therefore, more and more awareness. After a few days or weeks of this, things will start showing up you had no idea were possible--and, they're wonderful. You enlisted the quantum-ness of the Universe and it reflected back to you the energy of "how does it get better".

A couple of years after the passing of my partner and founder of this company, Shay Arave, I started entertaining thoughts about being in a new long-term relationship. Nowadays, it's logical to jump on the various dating sites and see what pops up. One of my preferences is that the person be spiritually oriented, and preferably well versed in metaphysical matters.

This narrowed things down considerably, and I ended up on Spiritual Singles dot com. After six "dates", I started realizing I had concluded (as well as my dates) that the only "real" relationship was a long-term one, yet, how could I know what would be "long-term" without being with someone long term? It started feeling like a disengenuous paradox somehow. All these people looking for a "long term relationship", without realizing how judgemental that is.

What exactly is going to convince them this or that person is long-term material? This person is cool because they're a vegetarian, interested in astrology, blonde, attractive, has kids, but they're grown and out of the house, has a dog, doesn't like cats. Perfect. Well, what happens when these things change? What happens when they decide to start eating meat again? Decide they don't like astrology, lose their hair, gain 50 pounds and decide to get a cat? The point is, we have no idea at all what a long-term relationship looks like until we have a relationahip that has gone long term. All three of the ones I've had (one for 17 years) ended disastrously. I had to admit I had no clue.

The quantum living approach? "This is my relationship life. How does it get better than that?" As I embraced living in this question, new possibilities almost immediately came to me--and some very intriguing ones I hadn't even considered. The choices began to mount, and my awareness increased, especially about my judgements, conclusions and preferences. I realized I didn't really want a "long-term" anything. I just wanted to share my life with someone who respects me and what I do and allows me complete freedom in the creation of my life. I'd be happy if that was for just 20 minutes or 20 years. I'd successfully deconstructed the "long term relationship" myth for myself.

So, by remaining in the question when you want to change something, feeling that energy of How does it get better? without judging or concluding anything, it just might bring you everything you've actually ever wanted and most likely beyond.

Resistance is Futile

As I watch wind-driven snow billowing up into phantasms of white, enigmatic shapes, I sit considering my situation. Two weeks ago I made a life-shaking decision to return to the town of my birth. I was stalled out and rumaging around in a life I was not enjoying, except for the few minutes of respite as I lay in bed at night. So, it was time for a change!

I began an online fund-raising campaign to pay rent on house in Kansas, procure a vehicle that would (probably) make the trip, and funds to setup housekeeping, since I had no furniture, no kitchen equipment, or bed. Several folks pitched in, and with substantial help from a couple of family members, I was on my way.

This entire undertaking has moved along as if independent of my particular input, and only when I resisted a certain "way" it was unfolding did problems and apparent obstacles suddenly appear. I resisted losing my vehicle, and shortly it was gone; I resisted traveling "in the dead of winter", and shortly, there was 6 inches of snowfall; I resisted my online business tanking, and shortly, sales were non-existant. This led to deep doubts, anxieties and thousands of tiny uncertainties.

I began to come around to just letting go of control. Resistance, after all, is simply a control play. The universe "knows" what I have intended, and has set about delivering my desire. Who the hell am I to now question HOW it comes into physical reality? Not my monkeys, not my circus.

I guess the hard part is making the tiny, day-to-day choices that seem to ride up on me for approval or disapproval, and since they all have to do with "how" it's coming about, I wonder if my choices are inadvertantly delaying the outcome, or outright blocking it. This is despite going with what feels like my "gut", and despite outright muscle-testing, and heavy or light evaluations. The nagging monkey-mind concerns and niggling worries were taking the fun and adventure out of the adventure!

Every signpost and signal seems to be indicating "smooth sailing", and yet here I sit with a tight gut, fearing the worst, and just wishing it was over. Geez. Has life really beaten me down so much that I can't enjoy any part of realizing my desires and dreams? Maybe.

That iconic speech by John Goodman in "The Gambler" movie, where he lectures a gambling novice, "Do you have a problem, like some little girl? Waa-waa-waa! Or are you f'd-up temporarily because your temporily f'n stupid?" -- keeps playing in my head. It makes me laugh, yet at the same time it makes me feel like I've just leaped off a cliff and all the doubts and worries are suddenly cancelled by the reality of what I have just chosen. It's on, and it's gonna happen whether or not you're on board, buddy!

So, I believe there is a chance for some equanimity here. There is comfort in the truth that all is truly well, and it's okay to have what I desire. Resisting the hows and how-comes, is a hollow, futile exercise in personal control dramas. The key is to relax and enjoy the ride.

The quantum particles and waves have been set in motion and are merrily going about their duties, delivering the very thing I originally thought was such a great idea. Well, it IS a great idea, dammit! That's my reality, and I'm stickin' to it!