Giving Up Utopia: The Double Down

Last issue I wrote about letting go of your personal Utopia. I got some flack about that statement, being accused of dashing any hope for living, and dealing an existential blow to dreams and goals.

Well, maybe that's a good thing. The whole idea of living the quantum life is to live in possibility. Yes, Utopias are a single possibility. The thing is, there are infinitely more possibilities than that. What looks like Utopia today, is not what it's going to look like five years from now. In fact, it is almost guaranteed it will never happen, ever, because there is a judgement about how life is not living up to this projected Utopia and a huge conclusion that happiness is only possible within that Utopia.

The Universe responds first to conclusions and judgements. "I can't be happy until these conditions are met." The Universe hears, "I have unhappiness with these conditions," and so continues to deliver that. This is because how you respond to not having certain Utopian conditions is the energy the Universe is referencing in its response.

A much more effective quantum living approach is "These are the current conditions of my life. Now... How does it get better? What else is possible?" Live in those questions for a while without bemoaning anything about those conditions. Instead, be curious about how things are changing for the better--meaning changing toward more and more possibility that in turn offers more and more choice, and therefore, more and more awareness. After a few days or weeks of this, things will start showing up you had no idea were possible--and, they're wonderful. You enlisted the quantum-ness of the Universe and it reflected back to you the energy of "how does it get better".

A couple of years after the passing of my partner and founder of this company, Shay Arave, I started entertaining thoughts about being in a new long-term relationship. Nowadays, it's logical to jump on the various dating sites and see what pops up. One of my preferences is that the person be spiritually oriented, and preferably well versed in metaphysical matters.

This narrowed things down considerably, and I ended up on Spiritual Singles dot com. After six "dates", I started realizing I had concluded (as well as my dates) that the only "real" relationship was a long-term one, yet, how could I know what would be "long-term" without being with someone long term? It started feeling like a disengenuous paradox somehow. All these people looking for a "long term relationship", without realizing how judgemental that is.

What exactly is going to convince them this or that person is long-term material? This person is cool because they're a vegetarian, interested in astrology, blonde, attractive, has kids, but they're grown and out of the house, has a dog, doesn't like cats. Perfect. Well, what happens when these things change? What happens when they decide to start eating meat again? Decide they don't like astrology, lose their hair, gain 50 pounds and decide to get a cat? The point is, we have no idea at all what a long-term relationship looks like until we have a relationahip that has gone long term. All three of the ones I've had (one for 17 years) ended disastrously. I had to admit I had no clue.

The quantum living approach? "This is my relationship life. How does it get better than that?" As I embraced living in this question, new possibilities almost immediately came to me--and some very intriguing ones I hadn't even considered. The choices began to mount, and my awareness increased, especially about my judgements, conclusions and preferences. I realized I didn't really want a "long-term" anything. I just wanted to share my life with someone who respects me and what I do and allows me complete freedom in the creation of my life. I'd be happy if that was for just 20 minutes or 20 years. I'd successfully deconstructed the "long term relationship" myth for myself.

So, by remaining in the question when you want to change something, feeling that energy of How does it get better? without judging or concluding anything, it just might bring you everything you've actually ever wanted and most likely beyond.

The Quantum Impossibility of Aloneness

We are at a pivotal time in human history. Science is in the process of proving that there is a single matrix within which all things are affected by all other things. There are hypotheses that what is called "quantum entanglement" is not just for the smallest of of the small, but that it is a central feature of ALL the physical world.

Let's sit with that for a second... The butterfly flaps its wings and volcanoes erupt on the opposite side of the planet; a fly is caught in a spider's web, and half a world away, a quarter mile of glacier calves into the sea; a wolf howls in Alaska, and a geyser erupts in Borneo. These images convey the oneness of a whole system--a system with an infinite number of moving parts, yet each part holographically existing as part of each other part.

Science experiments have been underway to verify that what we used to think of as mechanistic, unconnected, random events are, in fact, very much connected. And we, as points of conscious awareness, have the ability--as do all living things--to tune in and experience any and all of it.

After working for a while with these concepts, it's certainly not a stretch to see the world as a sentient being, reacting to and reflecting back to us our own intentions, feelings, and desires. It is ONLY our choices, decisions, judgments and conclusions that make life seem so distant, so disconnected from us, and so completely reliant on the application of our personal energies for anything to change.

Of course, the universe is nothing BUT change, each quantum bit, subatomic particle wave, atom and molecule has a purpose, an intelligence that is moving to our beckon call, should we desire it.

As psychologically complicated as we like to think we are, we are experts at making life a problem--a hell hole of pain and suffering--where nothing goes the way we want it to, and misery is the over-arching theme of this gawd-awful cesspool of life. With each new tragedy and drama, further proof is set forth about the "TRUTH" of this.

We are, simply, excellent victims. It's so much easier that way. You can avoid responsibility for creating anything, and then get to wallow in sumptuous self-pity until the cows come home--and they, tragically, never do.

The point I want to get to is that we are not islands. We are not separate "points of light" scattered across the void. The "void" is very much an ocean of connectivity, communion and consciousness. Our very atomic structure is intermingled with that of exploding stars, whirling galaxies and all the sentience that created it.

It becomes nearly impossible to feel alone if you embrace these concepts. In fact, do this thought experiment: Close your eyes. Now, in your imagination, imagine another being is sitting next to you. It can be somebody you know, or not, and they don't have to be human. Now, ask this being some questions, such as, What's your name? Where do you live? Do you know who I am? What is you main talent? What do you see that I'm really good at?

Shortly, you'll realize you've been having a conversation with this "imaginary friend", and notice that you didn't know the answers to the questions you were asking them--they did. This being exists .

You've probably heard about people having "guides" or "angels" that show up at crucial moments in a person's life to help make a pivotal decision or bring about a revelation. Well, this is how you can find your own guides. Just "imagine" them beside you, and begin to have a relationship with them.

There have been theories tossed around that the imagination is really a sort of clearing house, where our desires meet the sentience of the physical world. That sentience is constantly engaged in partnering with you to construct your life based on your desires, conclusions and judgments. I tend to agree (and this has been posited by some scientists) that the sentience of the physical world is amoral--that is, it has no judgment as to what is "right" and "wrong". It's humans that are excellent at doing that, and we do it almost automatically. Why? To make a story. To show ourselves how good or bad we are, and thus, create the matrix for games and adventures, either sorrowful or exciting.

So, choose to embrace this Oneness of Life. Reach out for it, interact with it, experience its deep sentience and observe it responding and reacting to your intentions and desires. Soon you will discover the perfect partner you never thought you had--the most intimate confidant; the most empowering coach, and deeply loving lover. And all it has ever taken--all it ever takes--is making that choice.

Hacking Memes

Since embracing the "quantum" way of life, many things have changed for me. I notice I have really different "pet peeves"--behaviors of self or others that stimulate an automatic reaction because of a pre-conceived judgment or point of view.

We call them "pets" because we have no intention of letting them go, mainly because, I'm pretty sure in my case, anyway, letting the Pet Peeves run rampant gives a certain "rush" of control; an outburst of a point of view; the heart-felt judgment or justification of who you are. I think we embrace certain Pet Peeves in order to make it seem we're participating in life and expressing ourselves about what we need and desire, much like we do with our pets.

One of the newer Pets I've been letting run amok, is rebelling against memes about process. Here are a few (actually seen on Facebook) that usually put me in a state of rebellion:

• "When I don't work hard, I lose money."
• "A year from now, you will have wished you had started today."
• "Consistency always leads to excellence. Whatever you do in life, always be consistent"
• "The road to success comes through hard work, determination and sacrifice"

Everyone, it seems, has their own formula for success. And most people would probably nod their heads as to the truth of these statements. The problem is, each one of them, under certain circumstances and possibilities, are absolutely false.

For example, I've worked hard and lost money. I've also made a lot of money without doing hardly anything.

A year from now I'm not going to be mulling over my choices I'm making now. I'll be making new choices without any regrets.

Consistency is also the way to mediocrity, stuckness and non-mindfulness.

We all know examples where "hard work, determination and sacrifice" has not led to success.

Conventional wisdom without introspection allows one to embrace these memes, not because they are really true, but because they sound like they should be.

All of the memes above are about process--the way you do things; the right way to do things. From the quantum perspective, however, they are one way of doing the process.

What gets me up on my soapbox about thinking in this unexamined way, is that it completely deletes out possibilities. There are a million ways conditions, things and experiences manifest in the world. Why narrow it down to one measily meme?

By applying infinite quantum states to the things you want and the life you desire, it is the certainty that asking the question puts the universe into motion is key. Sure you'll have stuff to do when you start asking about a better job, a bigger house, nicer car, or an epic relationship, but without living in the question of those things, it can only be hard work and sacrifice--that one way you are convinced is the only way.

The universe always has your back. There's even a word for it: "pronoia", which I've written about in past issues. The universe has your back only when you embody the question. It's then that the universe gets busy bringing you what you want in the way that is best for you.

Questions such as, "What would it take for the best house to show up for me that would bring joy and ease?"; "What energy do I need to be to receive an epically healing and generative relationship?"; or, "What is it going to take to bring about a big change in my life toward joy and fulfillment?" Then, you remain in that question as the Universe goes about answering it.

I'm not saying there won't be hard work. I am saying "hard work" is one possibility. If there are infinite ways something appears in this universe, then there are certainly other ways than "hard work" for it to show up. Maybe it's joyous work. Maybe it's play that doesn't feel like work at all. Maybe it's just answering the phone. Or, maybe it's enthusiastic involvement.

My point is to be mindful about how you've decided to make things happen. Look at what processes you believe must be in place before something happens for you. Then, realize that is only one way of looking at it. If you must have a process, or a checklist of things to do to get what you want, then ask the universe for options--the most fun ones. But always remain in the question, and the quantum Universe will deliver.