There Are No Setbacks

In a previous issue, I wrote about the observation that evolution is hard-wired into human DNA. Additionally, as spiritual, non-corporeal entities, we have waded into this swampy matrix in order to learn about our powers, test ourselves, and experience this planetary density in all its technicolor ultra-high-definition glory.

After birthing ourselves into a body we then go about the initmate process of acculturation and are instructed in the rules for the "pursuit of happiness", only to discover at some point, for most of us, the undoing of that socialization seems to be the only way to pursue that elusive happiness.

At some point, we look back on our journey and inevitably wonder what it has all really been about. We question the value and validity of our experiences, and long for a place--or at least a headset--where there is ease, joy and the glory of being. It's almost as if that "place" is just not possible within this seemingly diametrically opposed world.

These concepts of "the pursuit of happiness" and that "joyful place" are precisely what are hard-wired into the DNA, and the resistances built in to the cultural matrix are the barriers we have agreed to make our own, in order to overcome them to get to our personal utopia.

What we come to realize is that every "problem", every difficulty, all the suffering and pain, is priming us for the pilgrimage to that glorius kingdom. Traps are everywhere and mercilessly convincing, adding more difficulty to the process. Religions capitalize on this DNA-born urge to "make it" to that higher life, imposing fake "laws" and "trangresions" so that we can only expect to arrive in the kingdom after dropping the body--pretty effective population control trap.

Everything we experience that "gets in the way" of our pursuit of happiness, is interpreted as a setback--a discouragement--that seems to move the horizon of our desires fulfilled further and further away.

The truth of the matter is that ALL of our experiences are teaching us how to find our personal road to utopian fulfillment. Of course, most of us give up at some point, settling for a faint version of the glorious vision that has been driving us forward. So, we "check out", waiting to die, maybe getting the chance to "try it again" in another life.

Instead, there is the "non-duality", quantum path. This is where we hold our vision of utopian fulfillment no matter what, and observe that all our experience is a reflection of what we have bought into that has prevented the having of it. By assuming the position of non-attachment towards these seeming barriers, we learn not only about our own points of view and attachments to negative feelings and situations, but we find that by allowing these negative experiences to float by and through us, we effectively neutralize the negativity and reveal the new, positive energies the negativity was obscuring.

Adversity then becomes advantage. Setbacks become opportunities to explore our own resistances--reclaim our power in the area, and fill the new-found space with joy, ease and vision.

This is a completely personal journey. Others' adversity has nothing to do with where we're going. Others' suffering and wailing is really none of our business--unless we discover a karmic or energetic bond. But the discovery of it begins to neutralize it, and beyond that bondage lies more energy from a vision lost.

So, to quote a vernacular truism: "It's all good, man." This is literally true, because the foundation of the very structure of the universe is love. Love is the Magic Carpet allowing us to ride the currents and waves of our own resistances to that glorious vision of fulfillment and joy that is ultimately inevitable.

Getting Onboard with Difficulties

If you've lived any time at all as a modern adult, and if you take a moment to reflect on the successes and difficulties you've encountered, I'm pretty sure you'd have to admit that there are some pretty active self-defeating habits we have developed. It's really not our fault. We have been taught by example for generations. But there is one "bad habit" that, to me, stands out from all the rest: Not seeing difficulties and setbacks as opportunities.

There are very good reasons why difficulties are, well, so difficult. First, they hurt. The pain is either emotional, or sometimes literally physical. Second, they usually seem to be coming at us from outside our experience or expectations--they seem to happen "to us"--out of our control.

Third, and perhaps the most appalling, is that some of these difficulties are "on repeat", as though some subsonscious program is calling the shots completely outside of our awareness or control. And this is true, for the most part, but it's not the whole story.

When a pattern of problems or difficulties happen "to us" repeatedly, the first thing we do is start taking it personally--as a sort of personal attack on us by life. We know this isn't really true, but it sure seems like it is!

Teal Swan addresses this quite eloquently in her video, "F*ck The Law of Attraction." (see YouTube) In it, she points out that when unwanted things happen to us, it makes us a magnetic match to more unpleasantness. The apparent purpose of this setup is for us to recognize the unwanted pattern and then to change it. The problem is that there are two points of magnetic attraction: one is your temporal or physical self, and the other is your higher or non-physical, spiritual self--both of which are subject to this "Law of Attraction".

For example, you are dealing with recurring financial problems. In this LOA universe, the higher self sees learninig about poverty as a way to discover the way to financial freedom and abundance. Meanwhile, the temporal self is vibrating in poverty, pulling even more poverty in, making it harder and harder to see the light at the end of the financial tunnel.

The way through this seeming "Catch-22" of experiencing poverty and having the universe reflect it back to you with even more poverty, is to start "getting onboard" with the poverty experience. This does NOT mean to try to experience more poverty--your higher self is already doing that! The idea here is to reframe your poverty experience down here on the ground as an opportunity to express gratitude for the progress you are making toward financial resolution and freedom. With each experience of poverty, the universe is waiting for you to match that frequency by resisting it. When you do not match the frequency by expressing gratitude for it, there's no point to continuing the poverty exercise. There is no engagement or entanglement with the poverty frequency, so it is neutralized.

Now, by allowing these poverty experiences, and by not reacting with negativity to them, the universe comes to understand that you no longer need or require these experiences. You are free to be financially free.

By acknowledging this particular mechanical property of life, when unwanted circumstances occur, there is very good reason for expressing gratitude. These events are leading to the highest, most generative life you truly desire. By expressing gratitude in this way, Life starts reflecting that gratitude back to you with your higher desires.

Beyond gratitude, you can also call on the spiritual light we all have access to. Call it in to engulf whatever repeating unwanted circumstance you are experiencing. This adds to the neutralizing effect, and makes it easier to experience gratitude. Mindfulness is a pre-requisite for this type of practice, so observe your thoughts and feelings when these unwanted experiences are occurring, so you can then remember to feel gratitude and send in the light as your sword.

By getting "onboard" with your difficulties is the most direct way to resolve them.

Be the Magician

One of the most basic skills in magic is to entrain the audience into suspending their disbelief of their own senses. If the audience no longer disbelieves what they are seeing, what you do as a magician seems like real magic. The trick is to convert the skepticism of disbelief into the wonder of true believing.

And this is how we actually create our lives. We become true believers of our own magic. We don't like a certain situation, or we want to change what we are experiencing in our lives, so we reach out with a new vision of how we want our lives to be, and refuse to disbelieve when things are slow to change or barriers and apparent obstacles block our choice to change.

Last week I had an experience with the crowdfunding app, GoFundMe. I had made a choice that I was going to raise the money for my cause, no matter how long it took, or what I had to do to make that choice come true. I thoroughly suspended my own skepticism about fundraising and "other people's intentions"--all the reasons that prevented me from using the service in the past. And with that mindset, lo and behold, it only took 48 hours to achieve my GoFundMe goal. In retrospect, it did seem like magic. In fact, many of the partcipants in the fundraiser were surprised how fast everyone chipped in.

My guru/coach said something that got me going on this: "The energy of wonder--the amazement of creation--is one of the most attractive qualities you can show the Universe. The intelligence of the particles and waves swirling around you, are just waiting for you to want something amazing they can be a part of."

Most of us have had the experience of deciding to accomplish a project or get something done, then sitting down with pen and paper to write down all the plans necessary to bring the project to fruition. We list out all the steps that we can see from the perspective of not having the project completed. We then proceed to trudge through the steps, one by one, and then realize a lot of the steps have to be revised, or new steps added, and after a while it seems overwhelming.

Of course, the problem started when we wrote down the steps we thought we needed to do. That's a problem because it was done from the viewpoint of not having what it is you're shooting for. In fact, a very wise person told me once, "It's not your job to figure out how to get something done. That's the Universe's job."

All we need to do is put the vision out there and suspend our own disbelief about it happening. The fact is, as creators, once the vision is released it IS existing within the quantum energetic structure of the subtle energy fields permeating us all. And, these subtle energies are independent of space and time and instantaneously connected to all particles and waves in the entire Universe. They are, literally, the MAGIC of life.

We can just as easily spontaneously STOP everything by disbelieving. If you don't believe in your own creation, then the intelligences of the particles and waves in the subtle energy field of your life, won't believe them either, and nothing changes.

So, as the magicians of our own life, we must entrain our monkey minds to be true believers in what we are creating. And in doing so, wha-la! Magic.

The Power of the Tiny

I was out on my daily walk the other day, and my eye was riveted by these tiny flowers whose plant was draped enticingly over some river rocks in a wall. Unexpectedly, as I admired these precious flowers, I was overcome with emotions of beauty, poignancy and reverence.

These tiniest of flowers, perhaps because they were so perfectly formed and because they were so tiny, beckoned my attention and involvement so thoroughly, it seemed like they were these miniature magicians hypnotizing and mesmerizing the giant body stooping down to have a look see.

There has been much fervor lately about new quantum physics research that may definitively prove that physical, natural geometries are indivisibly and invisibly connected to human consciousness. Or, to be more precise, human consciousness is a part of an ocean of conscious intelligence actively creating and expanding into geometric matrices underlying all physical creation.

My emotional experience with these tiny flowers seemed to subjectively prove to me that, no matter the "size" reference, the underlying "morphic field"--or energy matrix--expresses itself infinitely and timelessly through every category and perceived class of physical matter. There is no true division between "big" and "little"; no true difference between our emotional states and what is created from them; no actual separation between "me" and "you". All of it is a great big ball of interconnected and interdependent energies.

In fact, in other new research, it was found that emotional states directly change physical matter, proving the illusion of separation between what we feel and what we experience is the great veil eclipsing our direct experience of the divine. The perception of time tends to throw us off and obscure this perennial truth, yet when we can step back in mindful allowance, the truth behind the illusion is inescapable.

in the ancient practice of non-duality, the perception of "opposites" is discovered to be a manufactured point of view that we use to define and separate groups of things from other groups of things. Apparently, this is for the purpose of playing a game, or, more basically, having the ability to perceive: without dark, there is no light; without vacuum there is no form; without ignorance there is no knowing; without forgetting, there is no remembering; et cetera, et cetera.

In fact, the observable universe can be seen as a unimaginably huge generator powered by the infinite energies created from nothing to something; or, as a vacuum into an atom--the "zero-point" theory of energy generation. As is clear in the practice of non-duality, there is infinite multiplication from zero to one. It is the supreme dynamo of creation itself.

And we have that ability within our being to bring forth something from nothing. It is the function and destiny of consciousness--ever expanding, ever ramifying, ever evolving--from the enormity of the greatest galaxy clusters to the tiniest of flowers on a rock, there is no escaping the truth of our own power of creation.

The Lie of Being Stuck

It's been a challenging last two months for me, where things seemed to spiral downward despite my best efforts. I was forced realize that my expectations of where I should be going and how fast, were being completely deconstructed.

Things seemed to "grind to a halt"--my income, my quest for a new living space, progress with building the business back after several setbacks. Despite knowing better, I came to to conclusion that I was just stuck--emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.

One of my beloved mentors (an Access Consciousness facilitator) did a Facebook Live broadcast last night. She got my attention when she said "Hi Boyd" and I hadn't commented. The broadcast started me on what feels like a bit of a release from the "stuck-ness".

She said, "Being stuck is a lie. Just look at your skin--it's being rebuilt every day, the air you breathe has different molecules that have been all around the world; and your heart is beating and circulating all that new food and air and water you've been putting into it. That's just one part of the 'being stuck' lie. The other part is that by declaring that you're stuck, you've just made a giant conclusion about everything that's happening around you. This limits your awareness of what is actually NOT stuck. Start being grateful and asking things like, 'I'm breathing new, fresh air! What else is possible?' or 'Every day is a new day--what changes can happen here?'"

That pulled my head out of the perceived rut I'd gotten myself into, long enough to start asking, "What else can change here? What is possible I haven't thought of? What can I do to really change things?"

I finally got back in touch with the quantum world, where particles and waves are constantly darting here, there and everywhere--wave upon wave of changing conditions bringing new and fantastic possibilities now available to us all.

Yes, sometimes things do seem like they are moving like molasses in January--but that doesn't mean they've stopped moving! Besides, why focus in on the molasses, when unique snowflakes are falling, the elk are running, the wind is gusting, and the plant world is awakening with green promises of Spring.

As my shaman friend points out, "2017 is the Year of Acceleration--fundamental changes are shifting the very foundations upon which we have built our lives. What is crumbling and falling apart are all the slow parts that can't accelerate at the speed necessary."

So what seems like stuck-ness is actually an awareness of acceleration, making our life seem like it's standing still. Watch for the movement, watch for the new possibilities, and watch for that new vehicle coming to whisk you to the stars!

Why Do Resolutions Fail?

I'm tempted every year at this time to go on a rant about "New Year's Resolutions", and this year I think it's time to burst the bubble of control many of us believe we have that would make us believe we can "keep" those resolutions made.

One of my beloved mentors was ranting the other day about "Vision Boards". She noticed that every year the boards were pretty much the same--the pictures of the lavish mansion, the perfect body, the epic love affair, the wedding ring... And after eight years, none of her "visions" for the future had come true.

She believes the reason for this is that envisioning a "goal" or a desire is not about the simple exercise of imagination. It's, instead, all about ENERGY. So now, my friend creates an "Energy Board" to remind her of that fact.

All things are possible in this universe. ALL things are possible. This is first premise that must be embraced before any "visioning" can become a reality. We so often, right off the bat, disallow certain possibilities because we've chosen to make it so. "I'm never going to have a lot of money." "I'm always going to be fat." "I'm never going to find that perfect love", etc. etc. Now, all these conclusions are underlying all the desires to the contrary. So when you make a vision board, you immediately collide with the reality of your conclusions. And the visioning becomes wistful daydreaming that overlays what you know to be true about life--these things are just not possible.

These "realities" that you know to be true, are actually arbitrary choices that have been made and reinforced through experience. These "realities" become a point of view about life, and limit what is possible for you, this Infinite Being.

First, it's not about "control". There is no such thing as "controlling your life". We believe we have control because we can make some predictions about what is going to happen based on specific actions we take: I'm controlling my life by getting up every day at 7AM, doing my workout, then driving to work. I'm in control. This is an illusion. What is happening here is that you are simply following along a certain pattern of energy that you chose in the past.

This is an important distinction. You choose a certain energy that then expresses itself as your life. You are not "controlling" anything. You are choosing energies, and what unfolds as a result of those choices is what you think you are controlling.

In a sense, choice could be considered control, but if anything it's the ONLY control you have, and it completely eclipses any abilities you may think you have to "make things happen." This is why there is "failure". Failure is a conflict one has with the energies they've chosen. I failed to be a success at my job because what it would take to succeed at that job goes against all the choices I've made to the contrary.

The beautiful thing about this conundrum is that you have a choice. You can choose your way out of a bad situation, bad feelings, a bad life. The key is to continue to choose what it is you truly desire, and this requires honest assessments. What makes me feel really light, excited, inspired and lifted up? Well, go that way!

"Following The Energy" is an ancient operating mode of shamans. They choose a desired energy they want to have in their life, and then follow it through time by continuing to choose it and doing actions that resonate with that energy. This is powerful because it breaks open newer and greater possibilities that they continue to choose and act within that energy.

Rather than make "resolutions", choose an energy you would really like to have and feel in your life, and then as the possibilities and opportunities present themselves, simply re-choose and act. It's the truest way to actualize any desire, and will ensure you have a fabulous 2017!

What's Perfect About This I'm Not Getting?

If you live long enough, you'll have the opportunity to make miscalculations. Maybe a few little ones, or one or more really big ones. It's just part of Life on Planet Earth. The thing is, though, miscalculations only seem like they are while you're in the middle of them, or just shortly after them. Then, something interesting happens: perspective.

I was chatting with my brother today about hindsight--that perfect 20/20 vision attained long after an apparent miscalculation. "I coulda done it this way. Or, this way. I shoulda done it this other way and I'd be way ahead." These coulda/shoulda's serve more as self-recriminations than actual astute analyses. Ultimately, you make the choices you make, and the consequences of those choices are reflected in your daily life.

I've had the occasion lately to have made a string of apparent miscalculations regarding the business and personal finances, promotional strategies, all combined with what I thought I actually wanted. Without going into detail about the specific events, suffice it to say, after all the miscalculations and choices were made, I ended up: 1) homeless (except for my brother's hospitality); 2) significantly in debt to the bank, customers, and the government; 3) exhausted, disillusioned and flabbergasted as to how quickly my life seemed to completely fall apart in the course of a few short weeks.

All the old saws have been running continuously through my head: "Things need to fall apart so they can come together in a new way"; "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"; and my favorite, "What's perfect about this I'm not getting?"

My theory is that at the end when our life flashes before us--our deeds, misdeeds, intentions and aspirations, there comes a moment where there must be a glimpse of our life as being perfect. Everything happened the way it happened to bring about the greatest growth or realization of the greatest potential possible. If this death bed vision didn't happen, how could we let go? Regrets, "hind signt", and all the couldas and shouldas must coalesce into a vision of a grand scheme that both allows us to feel the exhilaration of completion, and the sublime re-assurance that a loving universe has done all it could to hold us in its embrace, despite our choices. At least, I hope that's what's going to happen when I finally kick the bucket.

With that end-times vision in mind, why not apply it to our situations, predicaments, and self-recriminations we experience every day? How are the choices I am making now contributing to the perfection of my life? Or, what about the choices I've made is perfect? It must be perfect because the overall shape of my life is a circle--the creation of a beginning, middle and ending, where all of it was laid out across this canvas of linear time at its inception.

Now, when I say "perfect", I'm talking about a result of the greatest good not only for me, but for all of humanity, the planet and the universe. This is way beyond my petty desires for how I would like everything to turn out. It's the perfection of a wholistic vision that is personal existence, that contributes all of its energies toward the creation of Universal Love.

Holding the question of how this perfection is playing out in my life when everything is falling apart, is the creative key to better outcomes, higher experiences, and greater self love. We don't have to know "how" this is perfect, or "why" it's perfect; just that it's perfection in the making, as yet not fully realized, and yet ultimately a complete expression of Universal Love.

Before I wax utterly cosmic, that ancient Taoist story comes to mind of the wise old farmer who owned a horse. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.

The following day, the farmer's son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.

The take away, for me, is that the ultimate universal perfection is unknowable while we are in the linearity of time; but the belief in the existence of perfection is what can give our lives meaning and inspiration.

That's why, when my friends and family send their sympathies and condolences about my situation, I reply, "May be"...

Asking & Receiving: What Could Go Wrong?

We've all had it drilled into our wooden little heads since we were wee ones: "Ask and you shall receive", and for many of us, the full meaning of that simple phrase has escaped our complete comprehension for most of our lives.

First of all, just asking does not imply that I'm ready to accept what comes as the result of the ask. "I've been asking and asking, and nothing is showing up", is a common lament (nowhere more common than in my own life I dare say).

"Well," says the lightly sarcastic voice of my guide, Marty, "Asking ain't receiving, buddy," in his best Robert DeNiro. "You have to be completely--and I mean completely willing to receive the result of what you're asking for."

Marty continues on, "What YOU do, is ask (a lot, by the way), and then when stuff starts showing up, the FIRST thing you do is judge it, come to a conclusion about its value, and then go back to asking. You see, the thing you asked for has just started to show up, and rather than welcome it into your life, you give it the third degree! No wonder stuff stops showing up--it's scared of you!"

I have to admit I do catch myself doing that now and then, but now that Marty has made a bigger deal of it, I see that my critical nitpicking was like putting a giant fire-breathing dragon at the entrance of my life with a big sign, "Perish those who enter this way." Yikes.

"The other thing," Marty says, sighing, "You gotta see how what is showing up is exactly what you are asking for. Rather than criticizing what's showing, how about changing what you're asking? Huh, bub?" Ouch.

And this is where I can use some other assistance tools, such as "What else is possible in receiving what I'm asking for?" "What else can I ask for that more closely matches what I desire?" Or, if I really want to gain some revealing awareness, "What is the lie in what I'm asking for that keeps me from receiving it?"

I see Marty is giving me his thumbs up. "Okay, that's a good start. Now, what we need to look at is how you're being a big know-it-all." Uh, oh. I've been accused of that by a couple of ex-wives.

"Look, if what you know is causing you to want something other than what you have, then that something is not something you know about, capiche? You want something different, and then when it starts showing up, what do you do? 'Eh, that doesn't work,' or 'I already know that,' or 'I've seen that before.' Uh, news flash: NO, YOU HAVEN'T!" Marty is looking at me like my high school English teacher did when I tried to correct her and I was incorrect myself.

"Again, say you are looking for a new, different, bigger, better way to promote the business, and then, your cute little blonde neighbor comes over and starts talking about how good she is at social media, and your response is, 'Nah, that doesn't work for my business', then you're being a big, fat know it all. Maybe she is the exact person to tell you the answer to your question--being the messenger of the universe and all. And instead, you start shooting her down and dissing everything. Is it any wonder you aren't receiving when you do that?"

Again, ouch. I'm seeing that when the universe sends an answer via a person and you interpret that what you are hearing from them is stuff you already "know", then you're not receiving what you asked for. Instead, pick their brain--find out what it is they know that you don't that is the answer to what you've been asking for.

"Bravo, mate!" Marty is chiming in with his best Australian. "Saying or thinking that you know something doesn't get you anything new. Being curious about what the hell you don't know is a much more fruitful path--in fact, it's pretty much the only path to discovery."

I'm nodding my head. Okay, this know-it-all nitpicker is choosing another way to be. I hereby proclaim to the Universe, I am ready--really ready--to receive! Join me, won't you?

Are You Living A Story You're Not Aware Of?

Lately I've been paying attention to what story I've been living. You'd think it would be obvious, just by looking around my life and noticing the patterns. But that doesn't account for habits of perception, and blind spots.

What I mean by "habits of perception" are packaged conclusions you've made that amount to preconceived ideas about the "way things are", or the "way things should be". These are judgments and points of view, that can be changed, provided enough mindfulness is employed.

These preconceived "lessons" we've "learned" from life can create blind spots of assumptions. For example, just today I spotted myself commenting, "Well, I better get busy, or I won't make any money this month." This gem is chock full of assumptions about how money comes to me, or "how the world works"--you gotta work hard to make money. We just sort of off-handedly live by these "rules", when they are based almost completely on incorrect conclusions made when we were much younger, and less wise. Yet, here we are, spouting these life rules without any critical thinking or regard to their veracity.

String enough of these rules together, and they form a narrative--a story of our life and how it unfolds for us. The thing is, it's based almost entirely on past conclusions, judgments and points of view. The fact that, in many cases, the story has been proven unworkable and sometimes miserable, doesn't seem to cause any introspection. Why? Because it's all tangled up in who and what we believe we are.

We've come to believe (because we've accepted certain things as "true"), for example, that "nothing comes easy for me." And, even when something DOES come easy, there is no alarm or red flag to tell us that our little story about how nothing comes easy has just been contradicted. Instead, we ignore that information. But when corroborating evidence that things don't come easy arrives, we are quick to jump on it as definitive evidence of the "truthiness" and consistency of our story.

This selective awareness or filtering of evidence we use to justify our precious stories, is also the way we can change a story we do not want to live in anymore. Just as we ignored exceptions to the "rule" (that nothing comes easy, for example), we can now notice the exceptions and make THAT the evidence that our story is changing. Once we make ONE exception the rule, it all starts to shift. The trick is being able to SEE evidence contradicting our stories.

One way to increase mindfulness is by using gratitude. We are grateful for what we have, and grateful when things "come together" with ease and joy. Without gratitude, we would tend to simply overlook these moments of ease and joy because they contradict our ongoing narrative (that life never comes easy).

Another technique is to "re-frame"--where we re-contextualize what we are experiencing into a positive narrative. For example, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere--I may be under some sort of deadline--and traffic seems so slow, and that street is blocked off for a festival, or there's a tree down in the road--I would immediately jump to this being evidence of how HARD things are, and nothing comes easy. Instead, by re-framing I become grateful for these slow drivers who are timing my travels so I won't get into an accident in my haste.

In these ways, we can get out in front of our story, and make whatever changes we choose about how the story unfolds.

A long time ago, my guru told me, "Do you know how to train a cat? You wait until it does something you want it to do, and then reward it." Life is much like that--it's flowing according to the story you're creating, and will immediately change course if you do. Change course with gratitude and re-framing.

Predicting and Choosing

I love those moments when "out of the blue" you get an insight on how you've been living your life--and they seem to come when I'm doing something mundane, like walking the dog, driving the car, or grocery shopping (must be some neurological circumstance of some sort)... Anyway, today a big existential question came crashing in: "Do I really know what's going to happen, or am I choosing it?"

Now, what I mean by "knowing what's going to happen", is a range of things--from daily routines where you pretty much know what's going to happen when you take a shower, or do the dishes--to knowing where the money is going to be coming from to pay the rent. In fact, all those circumstances that you just know are going to happen, and do, make up the matrix of our lives; and we don't often stop to see all the choices we make moment by moment to keep that matrix rolling along.

The quantum truth of the matter is that ANYTHING could happen AT ANY MOMENT, since quantum states exist in and out of time, which makes all possibilities possible at any time. I might think I know what's going to happen when I get in the shower, but then the water suddenly shuts off because the City workers turned off the water to the apartment while they repaired the broken main. Or, I think I know what's going to happen when I do the dishes, but then the garbage disposal jams...and I get all bent out of shape about it.

The point I'm attempting to make is that by habitually pre-determining our choices by making predictions about our own activities, shuts off the infinite other amazing possibilities that could happen. I think we construct a nice, predictable set of circumstances for ourselves that (we think) guarantees security for our reality (our money situation, our living quarters, or transportation, our relationships). But what if by doing this we unwittingly cut ourselves off from a huge potential of fantastically wonderful things that could happen to us?

Perhaps a more "quantum" way to live would be to--instead of predicting what's going to happen--we just float in the question: "What amazing things await me at any moment?"

There have been manifestation experiments where it was shown that asking questions about something greater happening, is far superior to visualization techniques. In other words, jump out of the box of yourself and trust that the Universe has your back, and is going to give you what you desire. Your job is not to limit it to a specific set of familiar circumstances.

We have all been burned badly by the unpredictable, so the idea of asking open-ended questions about our desires feels like giving up our personal power, and control, and that is scary.

Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness tells us to "live in 10 second increments"--where any choice can be changed within 10 seconds. Now that's freedom. You desire something? Get the energy of that thing--just the energy of what it feels like, not what it looks like--and keep choosing that, and follow the energy to the actualization of that desire.

Abraham Hicks has a famous saying: "Hold a thought for just 17 seconds, and the Law of Attraction kicks in. Hold a thought for 68 seconds and things move; manifestation has begun."

So, rather than "predicting" everything that's happening to you (thus guaranteeing the same old-same old), start choosing your desires by asking questions like, "What would it take for ______ to show up?" "What energy, space and consciousness do I need to be for __________ to happen?"

After a little practice, things really will start moving directly toward your desires, and if you stay out of the habit of needing to have a predictable life, who knows what fantastic things could happen?

The Choice Trap

Our most powerful tool, choice, is also our most abused and unused. This basic mechanism of consciousness is the direct demonstration to ourselves of our power and powerlessness. Are we choosing the best life? Are we choosing to destroy it? Are we not making choices because we're afraid? Are we afraid of any choices at all?

These are really deeply existential questions that get at the core of what we are: creators. We create our life only by using choice. In fact, making choices is something so natural, so automatic, we oftentimes don't realize that we are choosing the pain, discomforts and unwanted conditions we "live with" on the day-to-day. We tell ourselves, "We have no choice" about this, that and the other.

I like to call this the Choice Trap. We pretend we're not choosing and things get bad or worse, and then we suddenly realize we "have no choice" but to...(fill in the blank). My spiritual teacher once told me, "Choosing is an exercise in paying attention. Be aware of what you choose, because it's the only way you're going to get what you want." At the time I laughed at this seemingly obvious statement, but later I realized it was quite profound. There are so many "choices" we make in the form of choosing to "go along" with others, or choosing to procrastinate, or choosing to not do what you know needs to be done, or choosing not to think about your life. These are, often times, unconscious choices that become a sort of operating manual for life.

We can too easily choose to be a victim, or choose to look outside ourself for causes, or choose to be "right" as opposed to "correct". In fact, most of our psychology is constructed on the choices we've made to embrace or deny our values. What's the more important choice? Being right or being compassionate? Being truthful or secretive? All of these types of questions point out what we are choosing any given day.

A friend of mine visited last week on vacation, and said, "It's been so nice to be on vacation. I don't have to make any decisions--I just go wherever I want and do whatever I want." To him, making a decision was a big deal, and yet he was making choices the entire time of his vacation as to where to go and what to do. He didn't think of these kinds of choices as being significant. And yet, these are the kinds of decisions that get us from Point A to Point B every day, and are the key to living the highest and best life we can imagine.

There are a couple of "choosing hacks" I like to use to keep me mindful of the choices I'm making moment to moment. One is, "light or heavy". Say you've narrowed your choices down to two. Ask the question, "is this light or heavy"? One of the choices will seem lighter than the other one, or if they both seem heavy, there is another unacknowledged possibility you aren't considering. If they are both feeling light, well, then, have fun! Always favor lightness. It will serve as your North Star for navigating through your day.

The second choosing hack is "follow the energy". This is similar to favoring lightness, but it's much more specific. Get the idea of something you want to have. Feel the energy of that as though you have it. Now, start choosing the things to do in your day or week that make you feel that same energy. Before too long, you will have that thing you originally wanted, and usually more. It's the "act as if" drill applied to energies.

So, carefully observe every time you make a decision, no matter how small or inconsequential. You'll begin to see where you've actually decided to have the life you have. And once that awareness dawns, you can change it by using your most powerful tool: Choice.

Chasing Success

A business colleague of mine posted this meme on Facebook the other day: "Dreams x Goals x Learning x Plans x Actions = Success". At first glance, it seemed logical, but something snarky was welling up inside of me. I couldn't resist. I commented: "Seems so complicated. Instead, how about Dreams X Action = Success?"

This "formula" my business partner posted is part of what I call the "worker bee" syndrome. You dream something up, make it a goal, then educate yourself about how to get there, make a bunch of plans, and only THEN take Action = God laughs. Why not just go from what you'd like to see happen (dreams) to taking action to get there (success).

In some cases, having a "dream" is all that's needed. How many times have you wanted something to happen, and it just did without you doing anything? But we seem to want to jump immediately to planning, learning, goal-setting and "success formulas". You know what? Most of that stuff is the Universe's job! When we take it over, we end up working our asses off and "success" seems to wander further and further out into the future.

Much of this is cultural memes we've made our own: You gotta WORK HARD for what you want; or, nothing valuable in life is ever EASY; or, no pain, no gain; or even, God helps those who help themselves, etc., etc. These memes nullify personal power, and ignore the proven fact that the Universe really does have your back, and it constantly is working on your behalf--even when you try to do its job! The harder you work at something, the more personal power you invalidate. You think there's something you're not doing somehow, or don't know how to do, so you bash your head against the wall repeatedly trying to "come up with answers", when all along, the Universe has had all the answers, and is ready to give them to you, as well as the dream you seek, if you'll just shut up and receive.

There's a word I love: pronoia (coined by Grateful Dead songwriter, Perry Barlow). It means the awareness that the universe is working on your behalf.

Conjure up a dream (or vision, I prefer). Now, ask, "What is it going to take for this vision to become physical reality?" You'll start getting some information as a result of that question. Ignore it. Now ask what action can I take for this vision to actualize in my life? Watch what pops into your head over the next half hour or so. These are the things the Universe would like you to do in order to receive your dream.

You see, because you asked, it's already there. It's just our beliefs or judgments or conclusions that it is not there that keeps us from receiving it. We get what I call "time pollution". That's when you ask for something to show up, and then time transpires (sometimes it seems like forever), and it pollutes your self-esteem and personal power. You think you have to start working really hard. No. You just need to welcome what you asked for into your life.

It's supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be fun. If it's not, then you're asking the wrong questions, or have gotten trapped in seeking for answers. Or, you have an agreement with and attachment to those cultural memes that are running you, telling you to work harder for what you desire.

Put what desires you have "out there", then open your arms and heart to welcome these new things you desire into your life. Observe how things begin to change in that direction. Follow that energy, ask what actions, if any, you can take in the meantime. And, lo and behold, what it is you desire will begin to show up. Yes, it's magic! You're welcome.

Deep down the rabbit hole of my life...

When Michelle told me that I was dying because I hadn't recommitted to this life after the passing of my life partner, my mind was blown.  You see, the alternative to dying is to fully commit to the incarnation.

Of course when it comes to commitment, I feel I've mainly been committing to a spiritual life, or at the very least in that general trajectory throughout my life.  And that, to me, is what's most important.  Yes, it's unfortunate I ended both my marriages, but that oxymoronically wasn't about commitment...

Taking over full accountability for everything that happens ANYWHERE in my life has its own Pandora's Box of goodies to test and torture. It is simultaneously lonely and empowering.  Lonely in the sense that as full accountability is approached, there's that stretch of emotional landscape where co-dependencies are made obvious as well as the necessity to jettison those dependencies. That is a particular kind of loneliness.

So, this brings us back to my little bungalow in South Park, San Diego.  This is where I have had to readjust to the death of my best friend and lover, restructure nearly completely my social circles, and acclimate to a life without Portland, Oregon, where I spent 25 years.

Perhaps it is all the above that has me navigating this rabbit hole of a life like Jada Pinkett Smith's ship pilot in the Matrix Revolutions as she whizzed through narrow tunnels and pipes at full speed, escaping from the robot sentries programmed to eradicate all human life that was out of the Matrix..

Weird physical symptoms began shortly after returning from Burning Man in 2012 (I don't believe there's a connection there, other than having my creative impulses overwhelmed by sheer, towering artistic talents on display in Black Rock City). Symptoms progressed along until about a month later, I could barely get up out of bed to go pee at night, my arms and legs were hurting so much. 

It was as if I had taken a full-on weight lifting class, or something--every single muscle in my shoulders, arms, hands, legs, knees, and feet hurt.  The less I did, the better the symptoms were. But, at its height, before I finally started taking aspirin, I was pretty much at a 7 or 8 on the 10-point pain scale (8 is when you make a sound in response to the pain) all the time.

As I was still in the mindset of external solutions, I stayed on the assumption that something in my environment, or body was causing the pain.  Thousands of dollars of supplements, therapies, retreats, meditations, etc. have to this day gotten me to a fair degree of pain management.  Most days I never approach 8, hanging around a 5 or 6, occasionally going down to 2 or 3, with even rare times when there is no pain for a couple of hours. 

And... the pain is still the thing that has been running my life.  Since Michelle's session, I came to realize that, as the great poet Rumi, said, "The cure for the pain is in the pain".  This gave me a way in.  I also realized that I was the only one who could do this.  No medicines, treatments, or supplements were going to take the pain away for me.  This is all my deal.

I started to see that of all the substances I could bring into the body, pure light energy is the highest quality nourishment.  Not only that, but to follow the light where it goes in the body, and use the very real amplifier of the imagination to increase the light seems to help a lot, too.  I've fully embraced the scientific fact that human bodies are self-repairing--it's just that most Matrix-driven subjugants don't have the patience or the faith to accept this biological fact. 

This approach had immediate effects on the muscles in my arms and legs, bringing the pain down from 7 or 8, to 5 or 6.  Eureka!  I have continued like this for the past 2-3 weeks, and the body seems to be processing very deeply.  My sleep has improved and instead of symptoms being the worst in the morning, they no longer are.  Both shoulders are still frozen, and my knees still make it clumsy and difficult to sit down and get up from a toilet, or get in and out of a car.  But nothing usually rises to an 8 or 9.

So here is a shambles of a life, though, when I take stock from this Accountability view.  I'm spending 11-12 hours in bed daily, sleeping, reading, surfing, napping.  I'm into a habit now of what I call keeping "musicians' hours":  Get up at noon (or later), and go to bed at 3 AM. 

During the day, I do the absolute minimum to keep my little online health products company going--doing shipping and accounting, and occasional promotion.  By the time 8 PM comes around I'm looking at my TV Guide app, to see what's on the HD 39" boob tube.  I've got at least one show a day I want to watch, but some nights it's solid TV viewing from 7 PM  (NPR news, of course) to 2:30 AM.  As a result of too much sedentariness (I assume), the body has packed on 20 lbs. and lost muscle mass.

Wookie the Clown Dog...

I do also take care of my little buddy, Wookie, a 9-year old Lahsa Apso doggie.  She is, I believe, completely pampered, with visits to the groomers every Friday, and fed with the most expensive pure food for her, not to mention all the treats.  She gets her walk every day, sometimes twice, and is utterly entertaining. I call her the Clown Dog.

I do manage to make my bed every  day, do my laundry about every 2 weeks, and keep up my personal hygiene. 

So, in my defense of the particular brand of "lazy" that has informed my life for the past couple of years, I am effectively handling just enough to keep me alive and active in the world without causing anyone concern, albeit along an uneventful and uncreative trajectory.

Now here is my current conundrum:  My overall strategy has been to "follow the light" with it expanded into the "follow what feels light" .  In so doing, when I consider cleaning the apartment, it seems very heavy to me, where going to Starbucks to get an Americano, then going to some fun place for lunch, feels very light to me.  So, I've been following that.  In fact, the description of my activities above is just about all that feels light. Oddly, I actually feel light about doing the dishes, and feel light about sweeping the kitchen floor every once in a while, so I guess I'm not a complete slob of lightness...

I've got backlogged filing, backlogged warehousing, backlogged accounting (how many extensions can you get from the IRS?). Then there's the MUSIC.  I have an idle Alesis M8 electronic drumkit beside my bed, a nice Roland keyboard, and a full acoustic drumkit in my garage.  I've got excellent production software on high powered computers, and several music/video applications and programs.  I've got mikes, stands and studio monitors. I've got a library of nearly 100,000 songs, and even bought a DJ mixer last year that is still lying unopened on top of the keyboards.

Nothing is happening.

I ended up getting my Google account hacked last week, which called for a complete survey of everything I've posted in various applications across the vast Google platform over about 9 years.   Rather than attempting to save anything, or even back it up, I just deleted the Google account, and set up a new one.  I did notice that the last personal blog entry was in May of  last year.  Yikes.  Plus, I stopped publishing the company newsletter--the last issue I believe was November of last year.  Double yikes.

Why?

No inspiration.  Nuttin'.  In fact, it seems very heavy to me to do the newsletter, or anything else semi-creative.  I did suddenly decide to set up a new blog with this as the first entry, so everyone can see what a certain type of spiritual transparency looks like... I guess.

Now I'm beginning to wonder if by following the direction of "doing what feels light", it will eventually get me doing what I think are my art forms.  Or, maybe that's just what I think are my art forms.  Maybe music isn't one of them (even though I've toured nationally and internationally with two bands, recorded on over a dozen albums, and played pretty much 5 nights a week for the 25 years I lived in Portland). Well, "not music" feels heavy.  Music IS one of my art forms...

By re-locating to sunny San Diego (who has a great music scene, BTW), I left  my 25 years of music momentum. The pain issues have taken away most of the joy of even considering hauling a drum kit around to gigs, to then use the painful arms and legs to perform with.  Doesn't seem like much fun; doesn't feel light.

It seems like my creative process has stalled out somehow, or perhaps all that energy I used to have for making music and good writing, has all been commandeered for pain management.  I really don't know about that.  I keep asking that question every day.

Bottom line:  If it doesn't absolutely, definitely HAVE to be done I don't seem to want to do it--or more accurately--it just doesn't feel light. 

So I guess my question is... well... maybe it's not so much a question as a statement of faith.  By following light and lightness, should this not in turn create more light and lightness, ultimately arriving at a full expression of my individual divinity at some point?  It would seem so, by any reckoning of metaphysical precepts. 

I guess I'm worried. Worried that the pain won't ever stop; worried that the music I feel and hear within me will never come out, worried that my business will continue loping along at its current feeble pace, and worried I'm going to run out of IRA money, with nothing to replace it now that I'm in my 60s.

But, aren't worries heavy in and of themselves?  Yes!  So, stop worrying, I reckon. Eh?