Soul Tracking #12

11/11/2019

Pic from yesterday

Geeeezzz...it's friggin' cold!  Yesterday, it got up to 74 degrees, but Sunday night it started blowing and the temps plunged ahead of a much anticipated arctic air mass.  By 6 AM it was 23 degrees.  Although I didn't want to move from under the covers to check, I think the power went out around 5 AM.  My clue was that the furnace didn't thump on for a good half hour, which would indicate the thermostat was not activated.  I feel asleep again and woke up around 8:30 AM--with the furnace going full blast.  I set the thermostat at 64, and the heat was coming on about 5 minutes after it shut off, so I knew it was cold.

The wind was whistling and rushing past the house at a good clip--probably 40 MPH, and despite the new windows in this place, I could feel a breeze slicing through.  Brrrr...

I know I know, I'm a wimp when it comes to cold--being in Southern California a good part of my life hasn't helped the acclimation!

It was a beautiful day yesterday, so I did not procrastinate going to the store--especially knowing the weather forecast. I mailed a couple of packages and re-stocked food items that I was out of, so it wasn't a full shop.  The grocery store was busy, so I figured everyone else was doing what I was doing--shopping before it got COLD.  The forecast also had us within the expected precipitation area, but it never showed up--just overcast and windy.  Another cold day is up for tomorrow, but it warms into the 50s on Wednesday. 

I finished up Set 12 for MBN Radio.  I'd started it about a month ago, but was waiting on more content to show up for podcasts.  I got that bit from Matt Kahn, another great reading by Patricia Cota-Robles, and that Deep Space Nine edit, and a couple of This Quantum Life Episodes, uploaded to the station.  I also found some new tracks, and uploaded those. 

At one time, I had about 1000 tracks representing about 11 days of programming, but when I shut the station down last year, when I brought it back in March, I attempted to just upload everything again (took about 12 hours), but it was way more than I could program at the time.  I did do 9 12-hour playlists, and then had to sort the tracks so there wasn't a bunch of repetition.  Then I found out that about 25% of what I thought I uploaded didn't actually get saved by the radio server--not sure why, so I've been filling in blanks as I put together the sets.  I'm going to start on another set tomorrow--if it can be an odd number, then I can run the sets consecutively and they Set 1 will rotate AM-PM, so that Set 1 played on Monday AM, will rotate around to Saturday PM.

Anywho, last night--actually this morning I had a vivid dream about Arnold Schwarzenegger telling me and a couple of friends about all of his acting roles in full character mode.  I think it was me who asked him about how got the the Terminator role, and he just launched into a huge tirade about his entire career.  We all were looking at each other, wondering if we should stop him and leave, or hang int for the full production!  I then promptly woke up. I guess it was something about stories not being important.

I updated a bunch of Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter posts in Hootsuite for Pure Energy Rx and the newsletter.--I actually maxed it out.  They cut you off after 300 posts, but I got most of it up there, so I'm good for a couple of months now.

I got the two "make up" orders yesterday and today.  What I mean by make up orders is products that were owed, so I was hoping they wouldn't happen at the same time, but they did.  Well, I'm glad to get caught up with those customers, anyway, so maybe that will shake loose the money flows a little.  I've noticed that a lot of people are visiting the site, but they're not buying.  I think that's because the customers are re-visiting the site sometimes 3-4 times before making a final purchase, which tells me that people are being more cautious about buying.  I seems to be some hesitation when it comes to the economy, so I'm sending lots of energy to everyone to feel secure around finances! 

Continuing with the binge-watch of DS9.  I noticed that the writing (at least for Season 1) is a bit pedestrian. There were two episodes with the same  plot, and the direction was plain.  That's what was going on with STNG in the first season, too, but it picked up steam as the seasons rolled out.  I'm hoping things pick up for DS9.  Voyager had no such difficulties.

To switch gears completely -- If you are into the practice of non-duality, you'll definitely want to watch the Judith Blackmore video from the Science and Non-Duality Series on YouTube. In it, she runs everybody though a "realization process" and embodiment exercise.  Very cool.  I definitely got a lot out of it in a short 33 minutes.  I've been participating in a personal transformation process where my timeless, eternal self is merging with my time-ridden 3D body.  It's been very interesting, since I have a lot of pain.  But  as I experience the body from the viewpoint of the eternal self, things change.  That's why, I think, the Blackmore video caught my eye, as that is what she's talking about as far as I'm concerned.

Onward to DS9!

Soul Tracking #11

11/9/2019

Today's pic

I just discovered Matt Kahn. In case you don't know, he's a master spiritual messenger. I'd heard of him, but was never moved to look at his material, but for some reason, and I'm not sure how, I ended up on a video of him speaking about the non-existence of time.  Wow. It really sorted some things out for me, because I've been aware now for a few years that I was "suffering" from a sort of "temporal ephasia", where it feels in the body like it's being contorted, or threatened with contortion, and its response is to clench up.  This has led to pretty severe fibromyalgia, and what feels like nerve damage.

Kahn effectively deconstructs time, so that it really seems like an illusion created by the mind just to make a story, or for other arbitrary reasons.   He makes the point that, yes, you can track time with your mind, but that is only making arbitrary distinctions and divisions among different "nows". There CAN be movement, but it has nothing to do with time.  And this blew my mind because the pain I feel is mostly confined to movement, so I get hyper-aware of time passing while I'm experiencing pain through time.  This is actually an inaccurate framing of what's happening. 

Pain forces attention on duration, because of the desire for it to "be over".  Remove the duration, and there is a gateway to infinite possibilities for the pain to become something else, or go away completely.  Because every "now" comes with an infinite variety of "nows" existing in different harmonics of the current "now", by switching frequencies, you do what Kahn calls dimensional jumping.  Now I've heard of this, but just hadn't thought of it in this way.  Pretty cool.

Matt Kahn

Kahn also pointed out that aging is caused by identifying with the perception of time--a built-in cultural habit. And when we are able to step outside of time, the body responds immediately by transforming into its original form.

I then watched another of Kahn's videos about the misconceptions around "raising your vibration", common among spiritual aspirants.  One's vibration can only rise, when one is "being nice", and that the only criteria of spiritual advancement is how nice are being to yourself and others.  For most of us, it's much easier to be nice to other people than it is to be nice to ourselves.

Being nice includes complimenting self, asking the inner child (where the Higher Self is residing) how to be nice to it--what to say and in what way.  This is a biggy for me, because I have what Kahn describes as a "negative ego"--whereby I make myself small, or punish myself for not being this or that--or really any excuse to put myself down, the ego takes it.  This is because the ego is operating at a frequency that is incompatible with the Higher Self.  The way to raise the frequency is to "be nice" to it.  As Kahn says, the Inner Child is the one with the 4-digit PIN code to your infinite fortune, and they're not going to tell you what it is until you are being nice.  It sounds silly, but there is considerable depth of research that went into that observation. Kahn says to ask the question, "How nice do I need to be to convince the inner child that you are a nice person?  How nice to have to be to allow for loving you?"

Once you start being nice to yourself and your inner child, you'll find that it automatically carries over to other people, and can end up being an ecstatic experience.  You can be gracious, complimentary and polite, demonstrating to yourself (and others) that you are coming from a high vibratory rate.  The fact is, being nice IS the journey from lower vibrations to the highest vibrations, so it's no trivial matter. 

So, I recorded the first talk and edited it down into a podcast and uploaded it to Mystic Broadcast Radio, so  it'll be in rotation there for a while.

I also edited down the episode of Deep Space Nine where Sisko meets up with the wormhole beings (I spoke of this in the last blog entry).  It's a great conversation, and fits right in with the Matt Kahn talk on time.  So watch for that in rotation on the radio, too.

Soul Tracking #10

11/7/2019

Cold enough for the wool beret....

I've had trouble shaking off the blues today.  Went to bed early last night, after finishing the newsletter and getting it queued up to mail.  Got up for a second bathroom visit around 10:50 AM, sat on the bed assessing the situation, and laid back down and within a minute was back to sleep--until noon. So that was 10 hours of sleeping.

I did my usual morning routine in the early afternoon, and rousted myself away from the computer, took a shower and got all the way dressed.  I had one package to a customer to mail, which I had intended to mail yesterday, but, as happens this time of year, I ran out of daylight. Once it gets dusk, darkness is a lot faster than in the summer.  The truck is missing a headlamp, and the other one is super dim, so driving in the dark is out. 

It was warm yesterday (64); but a hefty wind barreled in around 6 PM, blew all night at 35 MPH and scoured out all the warm air, so the high temp today was only 42. So, I had to put on a coat, although it was a beautiful sunny day, it was chilly. 

I was emotionally down, sensitive to my pain levels, and once again getting worried about money.  I stayed mindful of my emotional state, watching it go from anger and frustration to neutral, to almost upbeat, and then back down again, but overall, I was feeling kind of griefy.

Writing my article and doing the podcast was intense, and although I'm happy with the result, it left me feeling out of sorts and drained.  I was digging down deep to make my points in the essay, and I think I was turning over some very old emotional rocks, exposing some shit I hadn't looked at in decades or longer.  So, that's good. I've learned to appreciate these painful but revelatory periods, despite the discomfort, because they are a portent to finding a joy space later.  It's just today was not where the space was. 

As I got out of the truck to take the package into the PO, a lady was about 15 feet in front of me, and was standing at the door holding it open for me.  A kind act, but it sure made me feel old and decrepit, as I hobbled past her, putting on smile and a thank you.  She was getting the mail from her post box, as I dropped the package at the counter, and we both were in step and once again, she held the door for me.  "You timed that well!" she exclaimed, and I retorted in a voice I didn't recognize, "We're in synch!" 

Hilbert

Tuesday afternoon I got a call from Hil--the 95 year-old gentlemen I spent a year with being his in-house caregiver.  He called ostensibly just to say hi, but the next day, I realized he was feeling me out for a favor.. I was upbeat in the conversation, and told him about my life being great, and how things had finally turned around for me.  I think he thought that meant I was making good money, because when he called again (I was on the john), he left a disturbing message about needing to borrow $548 to cover the rest of his rent due at 5 PM.

The apartment complex he lives in, in Encinitas, is one of those massive residential constructions with 100 apartments--all of which are priced sky high.  He has been living there for 32 years, and the corporation that runs the joint has been jacking up the rent mercilessly every 6 months.  He started out paying $600 for a 2-bedroom place, that now they want $2000 for. Last year when I was there he was paying $1600. This is very typical of California in general these days, but it hits people on fixed incomes particularly hard.  Although Hil gets a small stipend from the VA and the city, his social security leaves him nothing after paying his bills and food.

In his message he said that managers were being polite, but also were threatening to kick him out if he didn't pay by 5 PM.  I felt for the guy.  Shit, I've been there many times, and it ain't no fun!  I just wish I could have helped him, but I'm basically subsistence, too.  So that whole thing added to my feeling down. And when the mood is down, the pain is up, which adds to the down-ness and makes fun all that much harder to find!

I managed to royally ruin my cherished cooking pan yesterday.  It's one of those 40-dollar ceramic-coated no-stick sauce pans.  I was steaming beets and beet greens in it, and just had the burner turned up too high, so by the time I got back to it, all the water had boiled away leaving the burned beet sugar severely stuck to the non-stick surface.  I knew that about ceramic.  It does have some things that stick to it, and burned sugar is one of them.  I spent about 15 minutes trying to scour it, but succeeding in only chipping chunks of the black matter off of it, before my arms were screaming at me--another reason why I'm particularly achy today.  I'm still going to use the pan, but I'll need to plan for getting another at some point.

After I got done with the newsletter, I watched the next episode of "Bull" on CBS All Access.  I really like that show.  It's a cheerful and well-written series about a "Trial Science" firm, specializing in measuring jury responses, and using that data to fine-tune their defense strategies for their clients. It's as close to jury tampering as you can get and still be perfectly legal.  Michael Weatherly plays Jason Bull, the head honcho. We remember Weatherly from "NCIS".

I'll be heading back to DS9 tonight--it'll be a nice escape from my moodiness...

Soul Tracking #9

11/4/2019

Afternoon sun through the blinds....

Number 9... number 9... number 9... That permanently installed ear worm thanks to John Lennon and the "White Album".

Nine is the number of completion in numerology--one of its properties is that you can add it to any other single digit and the sum of the digits is the original digit.  It's as if 9 is transparent, or perhaps just moved into another dimension.

Speaking of completion: I came to end of my binge watch of STNG. I had recalled the final episode as being a bit of a letdown, but now that I experienced the entire series, I feel that it's perfect.  The very last scene is Capt. Picard finally sitting down at the poker table with his trusted and able officers, who have now become his family, and saying, "I should have done this a long time ago."  Fade to black.

Next up tonight is number 9 again -- Deep Space Nine!  Woo-hoo!  It was fun watching how DSN characters got woven into the STNG narrative, and DSN mentioned several times during the last season of STNG. So watching it next was a no-brainer.

Last night I got to bed a little earlier, and the sleep time was framed by high pain levels.  Why certain nights are worse than others is a mystery to me--especially because physically, my life is pretty much the same in terms of events on the day-to-day, and my diet is pretty monotone.  I eat the same thing, basically, almost every day, and if you take into account weekly--it is identical week by week. This is good, because it eliminates variables as my monkey mind tries to analyze "what's wrong" with me.  If I had gone out for pizza, for example, well, then that would have been the reason why pain levels were high.  Or, maybe had a beer, or ice cream, or, or, or.... ugh.

Naw, I'm just experiencing a gigantic re-writing of my entire genetic code, and downloading and installing never before experienced physical embodiment. Sure, I've been incarnated before, but THIS is something entirely different. This is the process of embodying the ENTIRE SELF: higher, lower, subconscious, 3D, 4D, 5D, etc. It is unique to Earth right now--at least that's the information I've been receiving, and it's why there is so much attention on our fair orb from galactic and inter-galactic cultures. The embodiment process has never been attempted, so we are the "first adopters", and teachers of a master class in incarnation into this density.  Of course, if I thought it was going to be a walk in the park, a piece of cake, easy-peasy, I don't think I would have come in here to do this  But that's just me.  And sometimes, I seriously ask myself, "WTF"???

And yet, I am committed, so one way or the other, I'm going to get this done, and hopefully, this beaten and battered body will be able to dig down deep enough to find coherence with the totality of me.

Mercifully, when I do lie down I can usually get to sleep pretty quickly because I rarely have pain when I'm still.  It only kicks in (big time) when I move my legs or arms.  Of course, this means during waking hours, I'm pretty much experiencing pain all the time, there are certain physical positions I can be in where nothing hurts, but it requires stillness and focus.

I remember the days when I could just jump down the stairs and go walking for an hour, hardly in the body--thinking about stuff and not even paying attention to what I was doing--a kind of blissful unawareness that I actually miss sometimes.  Nowadays, walking and especially attempting stairs requires my complete attention and focus so as not to exacerbate already achy muscles and joints, or inadvertently trigger a stabbing sensation in the knees or a tearing feeling in my upper arms.  So this is the situation I am in.  I've already been through the grieving process, and have gotten to occasional hopelessness or outright anger, but I keep pushing the envelope and seem to manage to provide food and shelter for myself, despite the pain and occasional agony of it.

I woke up at 3:33 AM, really needing to take a pee, but realizing that it was going to be a bear getting myself to  the toilet.  I kicked off the blanket, which really hurt; swung my legs over and sat up, which really hurt.  I paused for a couple of minutes wiping the sleep from my eyes, breathing consciously, and then rocking in preparation to hoisting the body to standing.  I do this by using both my arms and knees, which are the exact two things that hurt the most. But it's gotta be done, so I just set my zen, and make the move.

I feel it first in my upper arms, which is usually around an 8.5 accompanied by my shoulder joints popping. Once I get up on my feet, the pain in my knees ratchets way up, sometimes to a 9 (there's 9 again), and I cry out.  Lately, my left knee is so painful, I find myself shifting the weight more to the right knee. It'll cramp out for a moment, and then calm down.  I then hobble to the bathroom to do my business.  In the dark, I have to be especially vigilant because a lot of my balance depends on visual cues. I don't want to turn on the lights, because, a) it hurts my eyes, and b). it gets the serotonin firing, delaying getting back to sleep.

I then back up to the bed and literally fall in, since the knees are too painful to bend into a sitting position without support.  I sit there for a minute, massaging the knees and arms, then maneuver the body under the blanket.

I'm grateful that once I get situated, I'm not hurting, and sleep comes pretty quickly.  For the last 3-4 months, I've been sleeping deeply, with a lot of dreaming that sometimes continues even when I sit up and open my eyes to go pee, or during my wake up routine.  It's as though the body wants to keep sleeping all hours. And yet, if I sleep more than about 2 hours in one position, the body will jab me with some pain to wake me up to change positions. I'm a side sleeper, so it's left side, right side, all night.

Enough of that shit!  Today was store day. I also had two orders to mail, so I took an extra Ibuprofen, shlepped on my street clothes, and hobbled out to the truck.  It was a beautiful Fall day here--around 60 degrees and partly cloudy.  There was a nice breeze--very refreshing.

Pain levels were down as I walked around the grocery store gathering my rations for the week ahead. I bought a money order for the rent, and drove over to the landlady's house to drop it in her mailbox.  Doing it this way--instead of just mailing it--gives me an excuse to be outside doing stuff, trying to keep the envelope of activity somewhat expanded, since I've only been leaving the house a couple times a week.

I managed to horf the groceries into the house without too much pain, and was pleased at myself for getting everything done I had intended to do for the day. I followed up on a couple of communications, got started on the newsletter--actually got it almost done except for my "This Quantum Life" article.  I don't know what I'm going to be writing about yet.  I thought I had it last week, but I'm going to have to let it marinate, and see if I can locate those synapses.  The newsletter will go out tomorrow!

Soul Tracking #8

11/3/2019

Sitting in the truck yesterday, enjoying the sun.

Finally cleared off and warmed up, enough so I finally got around to mailing a couple of orders.  I notice that my pain levels are greater on cloudy, windy days, but when the sun comes out, pain goes down a good 20%.  I just hopped over to the PO in my beater truck, and stuffed the packages into the post office outside mail box, and then just headed back home.  It's about a 4 block trip altogether.  Woohoo!

There are procedures to going out of the house that 10 years ago I would think nothing of--such as putting on street clothes, but in my current fibro state, this is a painful activity, made more painful if leaving the house is a necessity I HAVE to undertake, as opposed to going out for fun.  Ideally, it's for both.  And yesterday it was both.

As I sit here attempting to remember what else happened yesterday, I'm coming up blank.  I do remember I got an inquiry from kind a kooky lady on Twitter, who said she had a radio show, really liked what I was doing with Pure Energy Rx, and wanted to either interview me, plug the products, or have me record something--she really didn't care which.  I initially said I would be honored to do so, please send links of content so I could get up to speed on what she was doing.

Turns out she had a YouTube channel with a couple of videos of her dog, and some British astrologer saying he was looking forward to her show, and one other video of her talking about doing a show. No mention at all of a radio program.  She was kind of wild-eyed and her thinking processes seemed really convoluted to me, so I re-assessed the situation, and decided that obviously this person hadn't really thought out what the hell she wanted to do, and I just happened to get caught up in her initial outreach. I'm not saying I'll never do anything with her, but for now, I'll just be a lurker.  She's called twice, so I guess maybe tomorrow I'll call her back and decline.

And then there's "Billy Boom Boom" and his atomic woofers who seemed to be especially busy yesterday.  He woke me up around 8 AM as he drove by.  He's got a tricked out '66 Chevy that has been outfitted with the loudest thundering sound system I've ever heard from a car, and apparently he lives nearby.  I hear him in the morning, most mornings, and yesterday he seemed like he was driving around my block repeatedly.  I'm just surprised somebody hasn't called the police and had him cited--it's that bad.  Or, maybe they have and he's on some sort of social protest.  From what I can make out, he seems to be listening to 80s hard rock, but maybe it's death metal, or both.  Whatever it is, it's pretty impressive, since my hearing isn't all that good, and it's loud even in the house with the windows closed. Oh well--just another denizen of the local populace. Now if Billy was in downtown L.A. or even Kansas City, the relative volume would be negligible, but here in this quiet little town, you can hear him coming, literally, a mile away.

I went to bed last night around 1:15, and ended up spending too much time with my tunes. When I checked the time it was 1:45, but that was AFTER changing over to Standard Time, meaning I had been listening to music for 2 1/2 hours.  Which brings me to another beef.  Daylight "Saving" Time.  What a ridiculous piece of social engineering that is!

I think most of us remember our parents telling us that we were "saving" an hour so the farmers could work the fields without running out of light.  Of course, that's bullshit.  The U.S. government adopted DST in 1918, using the argument that less power is consumed when citizens have more daylight for their activities--which was disproved many times over by the opposition.  But, using the excuse of the conservation of wartime resources, it squeaked by and was put into effect--in all states except Arizona.  I think Illinois was also not on board, at least until later.  The original manipulation of the human schedule started in Austria in the 1890s, and caught on in other European countries--mainly because the rich people could spend more time at recreation due to an "extended" day.  The railroads, of course, hated it because of the inherent clumsiness of changing all train schedules twice a year.

Bottom line, people just like to have that extra hour of daylight after they get off work to do stuff, and that's why DST has persisted.  I say just make DST year long, and stop this going back and forth.  Although for people like me who make their own schedules are affected much less, those who are in the 9-5 matrix are statistically more likely to suffer heart attacks, strokes and other maladies during the time change.  So, I guess that would be a vested interest for the medical establishment to keep changing the time so they can create more customers. Anywho, now it's getting dark at 5:30, and no one likes it.

Shay

In partial rebellion, I turned over and went back to sleep for an extra two hours this morning, hoisting myself up to a sitting position around NOON, which would have been 1 PM CDT.  My last dream sequence was kind of disturbing, and looking at it now, I'm not sure why.  I was across the street from where I lived, working on some computer project, when Shay (my now deceased partner/housemate) unexpectedly came home from a long absence.  I spied her out the window, tromping around angrily  in the front yard.  I hurriedly ran out to greet her.  She glared at me and stomped back into the house.  I followed.  We met in the kitchen, and she was banging dishes and pans, and I was making every effort to be calm and polite, asking her softly how her trip went.  She didn't answer, and just left the room.  I stood there feeling bad that she was upset, and guilty for not being there when she had returned, even though she had come home early.  As I woke up, I was awash in a jumble of emotions that seemed stale and old, so I chalked it up to a good emotional de-tox, thanked it, and continued my wake up procedure.

I had planned to go out again--go to the store, get a money order for rent, and drop it off.  But then I got another E-3 order, and decided to just wait till tomorrow and save a trip.  Procrastination Rule #1:  Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

I spent the rest of the day on social media, watched a couple of videos on YouTube from people I subscribed to, fixed dinner, and now here I am.  Ta-da!

Soul Tracking #7 - 11/1/19

Today's pic

Had to take a little stroll down into Blank Land... I get in the space sometimes where everything seems to standstill, and the last two days have been like that.  Outside of the fact that Mercury was stationary and now has gone retrograde, while I'm in that space, I have anxiety, when actually I'm in retrospect marination.

I got a message yesterday that my brother had called, so I called him back and he was mystified because he did not call me.  Yet, my YouMail voice messaging system clearly said October 30, 11:36 AM--LOL!  Well, that's yet another example of Mercury retro.  We exchanged weirdnesses in our lives, and he said, "You're the only one I talk to who makes all this seem normal." Thank you, I guess.  We were also bemoaning the shared observation that MOST of what is on "topical" YouTube podcasts is what's wrong with the world--very few are about solutions. I think partly it's because channels like that get de-monetized on most platforms--the mainstream media (I include YT in that) do not want people talking about solutions.  It's bad for the Problem Economy!  You see, we've monetized crisis:  private prisons, private armies, medical cartels, money lending...the whole gamut. Everywhere there's a problem, there is someone profiting from it.  And, so here I go complaining about how everyone else is complaining. Geez...

ANYWAY... Halloween was yesterday, and I laid low.  I did go out to mail a package and decided to gas up the truck with a ten dollar bill I've had in my wallet for 3 months.  The gas station is one of those grocery store fuel pump areas, where you get "points" for buying gas.  Dillons has made it so complicated, though, that the cashiers ask you three or four questions about what you want to do with your points.  I just say "yes" to the first thing.  I'm probably screwing myself, but I'd rather not spend my feeble brain power on some promotional gimmick. 

As I was heading to the store, around 4:00 PM, I saw a gaggle of trick o'treaters heading toward my house.  I entertained the idea of getting some candy for those who may come later, but decided against it.  If they come, I ain't answering the door  Well, they never came. 

Had very intense and strange dreams last night that I actually remember vividly.  One was one of those "pre-dreams" that you get just as you're starting to fall asleep and your brain is in theta waves.  I suddenly was up above the planet, probably 1000 miles and in front of my viewpoint was a starship.  It was mostly oval with stuff on the outside of it that looked like sensor equipment. It was grey in color and had a decorative grooved surface.  I sat there looking at it, concluding that because of the way I arrived there, that this was the real deal, and not my imagination.  Pretty cool.  I then quickly drifted off to sleep, but it was the setup for the next dream.

I've had this type of dream many times, and it always carries the same "oh my god" energy with it, partly awe and partly dread, or amazement--kind of hard to describe the feeling.  But in this one, it was the starship Enterprise the 1701-A version from the original TV series with Kirk and Spock.  I was on the ground with several people, and as we looked up it was bearing down on us directly overhead. Then, suddenly, the saucer section disconnected from the ship and plunged into the ground, landing a few feet from where we were standing with a giant THUMP.  The impact dug it partly into the ground, and we started running away.  I was questioning everyone about running, but kept running with them--sort of against my will. I then woke up quickly. 

Spaceship dreams seem to portend a shift in thinking, or a breakthrough of some sort for me.  And in this case, it was my store.  I hadn't gotten any sales for a week, which is unusual, and scary, since it's the end of the month, with rent and utilities coming due.  I felt really confident last week when I had the vendor debit my card for the bucket of E-3 to the tune of $600, taking my balance down to $200, which wasn't enough to cover everything.  But I felt secure that there would be sales.  Well, there weren't ANY, and I was worrying, which I KNOW is pointless--every time I get into that headspace, I hear Terence McKenna say, "The great Chinese Sage and I Ching Master, when asked about the single most important thing he'd learned from a lifetime of reading the oracle, said, Worry is preposterous."  I hang on to that quote like a survivor to a life raft, but STILL I am anxious. 

Mainly because I have been traumatized by events going against me in big ways, leading to homelessness and starvation, so it's no joke.  Put that alongside residual PTSD from being abused in the cult of Scientology, and you've got a recipe for hyper vigilance and dread scenarios when things get out of a certain range of expectation.  So, again, the old "what ifs" come crashing into my thoughts and feelings, and because it's happened before many times, this time the worst case scenario is going to happen. 

Add this to a jacked up nervous system that has gone into chronic muscle tension that has become pretty severe fibromyalgia, and the helplessness of that, and it's a pretty sure bet I'm not a happy camper when things start cutting it close.  Mainly money.  I have dealt with the inescapable fact that my well-being and even direct health is directly dependent on whether or not I think I have "enough" money. And what that's energetically gotten me is a subsistence income, where I can rarely buy anything other than the basics, have holes in my clothes and shoes, a sketchy truck with a wonky transmission, and no furniture, since I previously sold nearly everything that would not fit in one suitcase  Pretty pathetic for a 67-year-old white male, and pretty pathetic I'm STILL judging myself about that, when literally NO ONE else cares.

Anywho, for some reason I found myself pulling out of the worry and actually getting into genuine curiosity about what the universe has in store for my store and my money, and in 5 minutes, the phone rang.  It was one of my customers who used to buy in bulk regularly but hadn't done so since March, and whom I'd written off assuming she'd gone elsewhere for her supplements, or died.  I was kind of flustered to hear from her, as she put in a $400 order, which put me in the black.  Then came the cascading feelings of relief and gratitude, and the inevitable clap on my own back, "See?  Everything works out."  Duh.  The takeaway--once again--is that curiosity is a powerful creative tool, and a good short-circuit for the worry machine.

Soul Tracking #6

10/28/2019

Today's cold weather pic...

Geez, it's friggin' cold!  It managed to eek up to 34 today with a low of 26 -- and to think, just two short weeks ago it was 90!  Ah Kansas... actually from what I can see everybody in the US is having early winter.  It's global cooling, people!  Actually, all those chemtrails are working too well...

I literally forgot to post yesterday, which is my subconscious letting me know that it's had enough of this bullshit journaling thing. All the more reason to continue!

I got all the back orders of E3 out yesterday.  The cream finally arrived around 2 PM, so with dfficulty, I managed to haul the box into the house--it's 50 pounds, and I have the strength of a newborn puppy; so I basically rolled the box over to the prep area, and got it set up.  I ended up with exactly the number of bottles I needed to fill the orders--whew!  Ordered more today, after waiting for my bank account to settle down after doing a bunch purchases.  I'm too close for comfort on my money for insurance and rent, after getting the minimum groceries.  Just continuing to ask and receive!

On my way out of the PO yesterday, a friendly woman--probably about my age, caught my eye and said, "Brrrrr!"  I nodded, "There's snow in the forecast for Wednesday."

"Really?  Oh God... Is that your truck there with the New Mexico plates?  Whereabouts?"

"The middle of nowhere West part of the state," I offered.

"I lived in Silver City for a lot of years--moved out here about five years ago," she nodded. "Hey, have you heard about the $3 lunch they have at the senior center?  It's just over off Washington." she eyed me over making sure I was probably old enough--ugh.  "It's a great deal, good food, too!"

I thanked her for the tip--I'll never go over there. Well, never say never...but I realized that I am truly in the age category of "senior citizen", yet I keep defining myself as much younger.  And I think that's important, actually.  I already feel old as dirt, LOL!

It started to drizzle on the way to the grocery store, so the humidity made it seem colder than it was--although I consider 35 degrees really cold (probably haven't seen anything yet--knock on wood). The plastic that John, Lori and I taped up to cover the missing cab rear window finally fell down, so driving around when it's this cold is, well, shall we say, INVIGORATING!

I managed to load the groceries into the house just before my hands went numb from the cold, and felt fortunate to have a warm house. I fixed something to eat and sat down to watch this week's installment from Stephen Pollitt and Source Energy Medicine. He was reiterating his definitions of  "The Conscious", "The Unconscious", and the "Subconscious".  I really hadn't thought of it in that way, so it was interesting, and useful.

Watched STNG as usual, and went to bed around midnight.  I still didn't make my water goal, but I did drink the same as the day before, and my pee breaks seem to have changed to 4 hour increments, so I'm taking that as a hopeful sign that I'm getting re-hydrated.

Had really busy dreams, but promptly lost them, but I did wake up to a theta state around dawn with information about the human connection to Source. It's the perception of disconnection that is the disconnection.  If we change our perception to connection, then we're connected.  All the reasons, feelings and memories about disconnection is what keep us that way.  So that's useful for me.

As I got underway with my day today, I was feeling tired and impatient.  I get into these headspaces where I just wish I'd see more changes in my physical experience.  It's very frustrating, but just before I start to lose all hope, I notice something that could be an improvement.  But then, that goes away, replaced by some other angle of pain and discomfort.

Source Energy Medicine says that with the subconscious level below 200, things are slow and then cathartic when changes happen.  And the tendency to sabotage yourself is high, so I'm constantly on the lookout for the tricky stuff the subconscious does to ensure my failure.  The frustration and hopelessness I felt today is a mind fuck brought to you by none other than the SC!

Dawn Crystal

I listened to a podcast with Dawn Crystal, who was doing sound healings over the phone with people.  A couple of them I could feel in my body, too.  She's really got it going on, and once my money recovers, I'm going to get some of her material.  She does one-on-one sessions, too, but her prices are prohibitive for me right now.  Too bad, I'll be sticking with her generic MP3's, which look really good.

Well, that's all that's showing up for now.  Onward to the Land of Picard!

Soul Tracking #5 - 10/27/19

Today's pic

I remembered my laundry was still in the washing machine at 12:30 AM, when I was going to head to bed, and I needed some of those clothes, so I stuffed everything in the dryer, and waited for a half hour--used the time to finish posting to Hootsuite for the legacy Subtle Energy Solutions Facebook page.

Just as energy is only created and never destroyed, my Facebook pages are the same. I had changed the name of the company from SES to Pure Energy Rx in 2013, but rather than renaming the old company page, I just made a new one.  Never hurts to have more than one iron in the fire, right? Besides, all my customers at the time were used to SES, so why mess with it? 

I was called a "psychosocial naturalist" once by a psychic's channeled entity (Anttarr).  He said I enjoyed people for just being themselves, regardless of their beliefs, attitudes and actions. I took it as sort of a sideways compliment at the time, until I realized he did say "psycho" when referring to me.... Not that he should change anything about himself, of course.

So, I got to bed later than I had meant to, with my pesky subconscious managing to distract me once again from my intended goal.  Got to sleep pretty fast, and slept through 4 hours before pee break. I got up to 78 oz. of water yesterday, so I'm getting to the 95 oz. goal.  I'm up to 80 so far today.

After the initial 4-hour stint, the body went back over to the 2-hour bladder routine. I got up at 9:13, and it was blatantly evident I was going to sleep some more--finally getting up for the day at NOON.  Well, shit, it's Sunday--nothing really planned, although I thought maybe I'd go to the store, since I am low on groceries. 

It was one of those nights when I felt like I was dreaming a lot, but couldn't remember much.  I do remember wearing a Star Trek uniform and talking to Data, and there was some other fragment about some big meeting, but that was about it. 

I had a very brief visit from one of the Nauskins after my 6 AM break. He/she/it seemed like they were checking something in my space, and then vanished. Probably making sure I didn't break the implant, I guess... The Nauskins seem helpful, though, so they could be assisting my healing--I hope. 

I kept avoiding officially waking up, which is why I went to noon--finally sitting up because my back was hurting and no position was comfortable.  My bed doesn't help matters--as it's become compressed and lumpy, offering little support, so the wooden slats in the mattress box create a bumpy terrain.  The bed only had a 6-month warranty, so now I see why.  Not sure what can be done about that.  I thought of getting a piece of plywood from Home Depot cut to fit, but I really just need to get a new bed somehow--preferably a queen-size.

As the day sauntered on, procrastination got the best of me, and I decided to wait on going to the store.  Since I HAVE to go out tomorrow to ship the E3 (assuming it arrives as promised), I'll just swing by Dillon's (Kroger Store #1111).  Probably should gas up for the month, too.  The fuel indicator has been on for a week. 

My brother, John, called--he has a way of calling when I'm, a) taking a shit; b) on my way to the post office; c) in the middle of eating; or d) doing laundry.  Today was "c"--I'd just sat down to chow down, and since I take my quiet time communing with my food seriously, I decided to call him back.

He was calling to tell me he was thinking about actually attending the Quinn Family Reunion on Thanksgiving Day (our maternal grandma's lineage). It's a 20-minute drive over to Arkansas City for me--a little longer for him, out there in the middle of nowhere New Mexico.  It's a nice thought, anyway.  The last time I was at the reunion, I think, was back around 1996, and I've been considering going, but only because I'm so close.  If my aunt up in Topeka decides to go, I'll probably do it. 

Family reunions are funny for the younger generation, because they all knew your parents, and the last time they saw you was when you were an infant.   So, not a whole lot to talk about, other than who Mom went to the prom with, and grandma telling stories about me being in a cult... (more later). So, we'll see how I feel when the day comes around, as to whether or not I go.  If John comes, well, I guess I'd be his ride....

I saw in the weather forecast that SNOW is expected on Wednesday, with a low of 26. Geez, and just two weeks ago it was 90.  I saw that Farmer's Almanac's general rule for Kansas weather is that the first snow is always six weeks after the last thunderstorm.  That was last week, so either the venerable Almanac is WRONG, or we've shifted to alternate Kansas universe.  I'll go with the latter.

Soul Tracking #4 - 10/26/19

Today's pic

I did manage to head to bed "early" last night, and was sleeping by 1:30.  I can see where I'll be able to get to my goal of 10 PM bedtime before too long. Just gotta take it slow and mindful.

I had my day planned out, but then the E3 Cream didn't show up, and the UPS tracking had moved it from Friday to Monday.  Not a huge biggy--just makes the customers wait a couple of more days,which I don't like to do. Oddly, the tracking said the package was "Loaded on the delivery vehicle", so that's saying that the box is going to remain in the vehicle through all of Saturday and Sunday.  It could be that because Wellington is 25 miles from the main Wichita UPS hub, that they cram the truck coming here with outlying mail for a large area.  Maybe?  Oh well, Monday will be a big shipping day! 

I had a couple of orders I could fulfill, so I took advantage of the situation to get myself outside, drive the truck to the post office (it's 2 blocks away), and drop off the packages.  My goal is to eventually be able to walk there and back without feeling like I'm injuring myself.  The last time I did that was last December, and I paid for it for days in the knees and calves. 

Another goal is to be able to walk to my own mailbox.  The way they set it up for mail delivery here is putting a group of mailboxes together so the mail carrier doesn't have to go to each residence, presumably so he/she can just stay in the truck.  Trouble is, the house sits up on a small hill, so it's about 50 yards of downhill to the box, and downward inclines are extremely painful to walk.  I tried it a couple of times after I moved in here, and it was just not worth it, plus I think I alarmed the neighbors, seeing me barely hobble along.

So now, when I go out in the truck, I pull around to the mailbox and get my mail that way.  Since practically any important stuff is going to be digital, it's 95% junk mail anyway, so once a week covers it.

It was a gorgeous day today after two days of cold and rain, so I just sat in the truck for awhile with the sun on my face.  Nice.

I actually had a pretty good night of sleeping--going for a stretch of almost 4 hours from 1:30 to 5:35 when I had to hit the john.  After the 8:05 AM trip, I fell into a deeply theta state and had some profound downloads, which I think will be part of my "This Quantum Life" podcast next week. I think it was triggered by Janet's podcast with Mmatheo about individuality and oneness, because the information I was receiving was mostly about that.  Also,  had watched a video on Corey Goode's Sphere Being Alliance YT channel about "serving self" vs. "serving others".

The download I got big time was that this self vs. others is a false dichotomy. There is nothing but Self, and it's only when we separate ourselves from Source where issues arise.  A better way to perceive this, is to ask, What are you serving?  Are you serving Divinity or Separation?  You know you are serving Divinity when your intention is to express divinity, and live as if in the highest potentials you can imagine; as opposed to intending to get all you can out of the universe, because you are clutching at your desires across a vast void of separation--that would be service to self. 

I also checked on Sekhmet, and immediately she came very close, in my face, actually, with her eyes glowing with a warm orange energy.  Then she came into the space of my body and poised there for several seconds before completely vanishing.  I'm still not sure what this Sekhmet thing is, other than a general archetypal visitation due to increased frequencies.  It would be nice to continue with her.

I also had a visitation by very odd-looking beings calling themselves Nauskins. They were roughly humanoid, completely covered in dark-colored fur. Their heads were confusing to look at since they were mostly triangular or maybe cylindrical with three eyes that seemed to be randomly arranged on the "face", but there was no mouth or nose or other typical humanoid references.  There were three or four of them, and their energy was very soft and loving.  They seemed to re-arranging something in my space, but I couldn't tell what it was.  That went on for about a minute, and they faded out.

I then drifted off to sleep, waking up again at 9:20 AM.  I peed and sat on the bed assessing my state, and decided to sleep a little longer. I laid down and hit Sleep Land quickly, waking up around 11 AM.  I lay there awake with eyes closed for a good 20 minutes preparing myself to get up for the day.  Lately, my eyes have been super dry to the point where I almost have to use my hands to manually open my eyelids, and then they start stinging like the dickens for an hour.  This is some sort of detox, probably from all the screen time and decades of putting wetting solution on my eyes for my contacts.

Another goal is to get some eyeglasses, but they're cost prohibitive at the moment, since I'm pretty sure I'll need bifocals, maybe trifocals, so you're looking at $700-$800.  As it stands now, I wait for a few hours before putting my contacts in, which is more comfortable than jamming the contacts in my eyes first thing when I get up.  I've had this prescription of contacts for over 15 years, so I'm not doing my eyes any favors by using them for extended periods! 

Anyway, as I sat up on the edge of the bed, I noticed I was not in a good mood at all--in fact, grumpy, I'd say.  The only thing really motivating me was receiving the E3 and pumping some bottles to fill the orders, but when I got the message from UPS it was going to be Monday, that was further irritation.  I took a breath, stepped back from my mind and feelings, fixed breakfast, ate it and felt better.  I got a couple more orders, which cheered me up, but a customer who was wanting to buy 6 bottles of E3, couldn't seem to get the discount code to work for her, said to call her on Wednesday to get her CC number to put the order through for her.  I had a complicated and confusing email exchange with her.  I had set up the discount code for individual bottles of E3 only--not for the half case or full cases, which I clearly stated in the promo email, but people are generally skimmers when it comes to reading, so unless it's the central focus of your message, chances are they're either going to misunderstand it, or not get it at all. In this customer's case it was the latter.  I did have a case sale back in June, and she had gotten one, so I'm assuming she just thought she'd do the same thing again. Whatever.

I felt much better after getting back from my little jaunt to the PO, so I lit some incense and did some laundry, edited the E3 sale promo mailing and sent it out again.  This time, I put the discount exception in large letters, so hopefully it'll help. The sale runs through Halloween, so get your E3 today!

Soul Tracking #3 - 10/25/19

Today's pic

The Star Trek Next Generation episode that got me was the one where Riker is performing Beverly Crusher's play, and ends up waking up in a psychiatric hospital, accused of murder.  Several hooks into my experience there: 1. I've always felt like I was a fugitive hiding from a crime I didn't commit; and 2. Well, you just feel like you're about to wake up from a bad dream....

After watching it, I went to bed EARLY!  Wow, didn't think I was going to do that, but I hit the sack at 12:15--a new record, at least for the last 10 years.  I'm actively pursuing an "mainstream engagement schedule" with my goal being to be awake and out of bed by 7 AM.  I've never had that schedule, mostly settling in around a 3 AM - 11 AM sleep cycle; and lately, even though I tried, I couldn't get to sleep before 6 AM, and then getting up at 4 PM, groggy as hell, and clutching at the day.  Now that we're almost to the end of daylight savings time (the world's worst idea, BTW), I don't want to be in the situation of going to bed and getting up when it's dark. 

I had a talk with my body about the sleeping schedule thing, and it showed me that there were 3 or 4 windows of entry into sleep, and one is around 11:30 PM to 1 AM; and then there's the 2;30-3:30 window; but if I miss 3:30, the next one isn't until 6 AM.

There's another one around 10 PM, and that's the one I'm shooting for.  When the proposed bedtimes approach, I end up feeling like a little kid bargaining  with mom to stay up later.  Last night the parent won, so I'll repeat the performance tonight. 

I was back to doing the 2-hour pee dance again, after getting my water intake up to 74 oz.  I still can't seem to increase it past that, so today I downloaded a "time interval" timer for my phone that I set for every 30 minutes.  Then I drink at least 3 oz., which, if I'm on a 14-hour day would be 28 x 3 = 84 oz. (that includes 16 oz. of coffee, and 4 oz. of water in yogurt, fruits and veggies).  So far, I'm a little off target today, but I think I'll be able to get there finally. 

Source Energy Medicine

What got me seriously going on the hydration thing was getting into SEM (Source Energy Medicine).  It's Stephen Pollitt's energy medicine system that programs water that you then drink, and it slowly (very slowly) and gently (very gently) raises your body's vibration above 200 on the Hawkins' scale, meaning that more positive is happening than negative.

I read David R. Hawkins' book back in 2012--actually there are three that deal directly with his number scale. He posits that if a person can remain above 200, he becomes resistant to negativity in the world, and when 500 is reached, a person would completely immune and transformative of all negativity.  The scale goes up to 1000, which is basically transcending death--few have consistently held that frequency, although there is a legend told by David Wilcock of a town of monks in Tibet who maintain 1000 or close their entire lives and do not die--they simply turn into light. So, that's my target there... 

Anywho, SEM is a system where you "charge" your water using several "charging labels", which are printed pieces of paper with a special code on them that you tape to a clear jar for the water to read.  I've been working this since mid-March, and although my symptoms are still pretty bad, my good days are more frequent and my attitude about my pain and dysfunction is much better, so I keep going.  Stephen says it can take from 6-12 months to heal a person, depending on the strength of their negative subconscious.  So apparently, my subconscious is a beast!

When doing SEM, you are charging about 80 oz. of water in order to get the proper dosages of all the formulas (I'm doing about 12 right now--each one is a separate bottle or jar--I've been using "Ball" jars), so if there has been severe dehydration, there's going to be a period of adjustment as the cells of the body start re-accepting water.  In my case, the dehydration has been severe.  I discovered how severe it was while trying to drink all that water!   So, lately I've been really concentrating on it.

Pollitt does a weekly "SEM Mondays" live chat where he answers questions about SEM live and from emails.  I sent him an email about my hydration challenge and he answered it during last week's episode. He said, "The subconscious will constantly attempt to undo everything you're doing with SEM--even creating excuses to not get hydrated. Until you're above 200, it's going to be your worst enemy."  That hit home!  So I've been really looking at that this past week.

The SEM experience has shown me how devious and tricky my own subconscious is.  However, SEM comes to the rescue with formulas that transform the subconscious into being a positive, rather than negative, force in your life.  Once you get it above 200, it uses all its considerable clout to start helping you, instead of sabotaging at every turn.  And, I'm just now starting to feel like I'm turning the corner. 

I have to keep reminding myself that had I been able or willing to drink the prescribed amount of SEM waters daily, I'd be much further along than I am.  So that, in itself is a much higher perspective than the downtrodden one of, "I must be a real case.  I'm so fucked up," which is just more propaganda from the subconscious.

Onward

So I was actually up and fixing breakfast at noon today.  After having gotten into bed at 12:45, I DJ'd till 1:30, and turned out the light.  I then put in about 10.5 hours of lying down, of which I probably slept 9.5, propping the body up around 11 AM to do my waking up routine, email and social media.  My waking up routine is sitting on my bed, observing my mind, which usually continues dreaming even while "awake", at least for 5-10 min.  I then do some swaying and "running"--beating my feet against the floor; and then massaging under my knees, which for some reason, seems to pull me further out of the wake-up funk.  I'll then do some sit ups and head rolls, and some pranayama breathing.  It takes all this to get into the head space of getting up out of bed, since there's gonna be pain, and it's gonna hurt.  When I have to go pee during the night, it's a matter of pure Zen, and the fact I'm partially sleep-numb that allows me to make it to the bathroom at all.  Some nights it's agony, but necessary unless I want to revert to the bed-wetting I did as a small boy.

During my care-giving gig with 93-year old Hilbert, he was wrestling with his bladder constantly, to the point where he HAD to wear Depends, or it was not going to be pretty.  Unfortunately, his solution to the urination thing was to drink only about 12 oz. of water a day, further exacerbating his diabetes and numerous other ills that kept him pretty much chair-bound.  I think of him often, and he is an inspiration to NOT do what he did. 

Today was the second part of Janet's podcast with Mmatheo,which was quite a spiritual ride. Today's topic was individuality and Ubuntu, so it was all about how we connect to the world and to each other despite the illusion of separation.  Some good themes, and the recording of it was smooth and without incident. 

Business-wise I'm in the midst of receiving a new bucket of the E-3 Cream, which has been a regular stressor for me, since it requires an outlay of around $600.  I'm getting better at manifesting new buckets when I need them, but I always stress out about it, because E-3 is my main money maker.  The thing is, I KNOW what I need to do to avoid the stress, but I just keep not doing it--that pesky subconscious again, making me lose my common sense.  The time before this one, I decided I was going to take the cost out of each sale of E-3 and transfer it over to a bank account I set up specifically for that.  What happened then, was my SC reminding me that I didn't really have to take the cost out of each sale, I could wait till the end of the bucket and just not spend any money once I got down to 40 bottles.  Yeah, right.  Well, what I ended up with was 15 bottles left and $400--for everything including bills and groceries.  So that left me worrying about raking in at least another $300 just to barely squeak by.  Ugh--I hate that game!  Anywho, I got the sales, after I ordered the cream, and had to ask Energy Tools (the vendor) to hold off putting the payment through.  So as of today, I'm good to go to pay the bill, but I was sweatin' it, and I am now going to stop sweatin' it, trust life, and be smart.  Do you hear that subconscious???

So, I'll re-commit to the taking the cost out of the up-front sales of E-3, rather than waiting till the end to start hustling.  And it will be a smooth, stressless, easy matter of buying the next bucket.  Stay tuned to see how I do!

I enjoyed a couple of videos today you may want to watch.  One was Lilou Mace's most recent interview with Joe Dispenza.  He got my attention about a year ago with his take on being and manifesting, and he didn't disappoint in the Lilou interview--although her questions seemed a bit un-woke.  He fielded them kindly and kept things on track despite her.  I really Lilou usually, but she seemed scattered for this particular interview.  Anyway, Joe is great, and it really made me want to go to one of his week-long intensives, where the whole class stays up all night with him, and he does guided meditations to create and enhance theta brainwave states.  Pretty cool.

The other video to see is Jamye Price's "Energy Forecast" for November.  She's the "light language" lady, which is pretty interesting to watch and hear.  She had some great observations and it spoke to several aspects of what I've been going through lately. 

For tonight's dinner, I had steamed Brussels sprouts and broccoli with fried chicken livers and almonds.  Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it! 

Now for STNG...

Soul Tracking #2 - 10.24.19

Today's photo...

After writing my last blog entry, I followed a link I received to the Sphere Being Alliance YouTube channel. It is a video about serving self vs. serving others, and it was very well written and caused me to look at the ways my behaviors have been and sometimes are self-serving.  The premise is that during these ascension times, those who are serving self more than 51% of the time will end up bifurcating off onto another low frequency timeline; and those in service-to-others mode will bifurcate into higher realms of being.  Now whether or not this is actually what is happening remains to be seen, but I embrace the concepts and have been evaluating and changing my behaviors accordingly.

The service to self strategy is tricky because in the dualism of this 3D world, you are either the perpetrator or the victim, and both positions lead to self serving agendas.  Yet, by coming into life with an agenda to serve other people, humanity, the planet and/or God, is the only way to escape this deeply entrenched duality.   Some of the questions become, How am I serving the world by taking care of myself?  When I desire something, is it just for me, or also for others?  When I perceive life, is it from a viewpoint of how can it serve me, as opposed to how I can I serve it?  These are great points of self-inquiry.

I then watched the Star Trek Next Generation episode, "Lessons" (I guess I'm on Season 6, not 5).  This is the episode where Jean Luc falls in love with a crew member newly arriving to the Enterprise.  She captivates him with her musical prowess, and they shared several touching moments playing music together.  That's what I like about Star Trek--the writers allow for the subtler nuances of emotion to play large in the scripts.

I went to bed after this episode (around 1:15 AM), and lay there quietly for some time re-hashing  and sorting through an unexpected pile of emotions that were unearthed.  I felt lonely and isolated--as if a lover had left, or died--no doubt a hangover from losing Shay, my long-time partner, housemate and lover.  There was considerable grief still lurking around these ideas and emotions, and I was a little surprised there was still so much there, after all the processing I've done on the loss.  But more than that specific event, I once again acknowledged that while  I enjoy, or require, a lot of solitude, I'm also a "partner person".  Now living as I am, alone, and basically with no social circle, other than online and the weekly phone call from my brother, I've isolated myself in a way that. although I'm liking the aloneness, there's a definite longing for companionship, and that is what the STNG episode pointed out quite poignantly. It was, in fact, Jean Luc's conundrum: being the captain of a starship, responsible for 1000 people, and how an intimate relationship might affect his judgment, should there be an existential catastrophe. Prior to this time, he had chosen NOT to pursue intimate relationships for that reason.

I explored the feelings for quite a while before my usual bedtime ritual of being my own DJ, listening to music. I enjoy mixing the tunes so that they flow stylistically, with some tracks pointing at the next track in unexpected and satisfying ways.  It's the fading and transitioning between tracks that I find entertaining and fulfilling.  If I don't watch the time, I can easily go for 2-3 hours doing this.

Since I had a possible appointment at 1 PM, I cut my listening down to an hour, hunkering down under the blanket and falling asleep quickly.  I proceeded to dream--not about Star Trek, but about Donald Trump--another celeb dream.

Lori Ann Lothian

I think what triggered it was an article I read from a Facebook post by Lori Ann Lothian.  It was a psychoanalysis piece of Trump using archetypes.  Her observations had him tagged as an "High Chair Tyrant", and her scathing analysis was pretty on point, at least based on media coverage of the man.

My dreams were almost entirely of me following him around, and then him following me around just doing random activities, none of which stuck with me after I awoke.  Yet, it was an all night affair, with that energy infusing all my sleep.

I do remember another encounter with Sekhmet as I was drifting back to sleep after a pee break at 7:33.  She was closer to me this time, and rather than averting her gaze as before, she was looking directly at me, and there was a gentle, bluish light emanating from her eyes and staff.  I felt a deep allowance of me--a wave of love that felt wide open, with so much space that by comparison it seemed I have been living under a table my whole life. I then recalled the YouTube video, noticing that when I considered doing something from the space of serving the world, I felt much more free; as opposed to a central focus on what I can get from the world, which now seems so confining, in some inscrutable way. I then noticed my pain levels went down a point and current concerns faded, and then I fell asleep.

I woke up again at 10:43 and checked my messages as I was expecting to hear from my client whether or not we were "on" for recording her podcast at 1 PM.  There was a message saying that what I thought was the person she was going to interview saying she "wouldn't be able to make it", and then a message from my client, Janet, saying for her to enjoy her day.  I was prepared to fully get up if the appointment was "on", but now it seemed it wasn't, so I went back to sleep.

I woke up again at 1:03, and as I picked up the phone it started ringing.  It was Janet.  "Well, are you ready to record?"  I was really groggy and confused.  It turned out the message I received was because I was in a group message list, and the person messaging was someone else--not who I thought it was. Janet was confused, too, but we finally got our shit together, and we managed to pull off doing the podcast with the actual guest, albeit a little late.

Janet Barrett

Janet is one of those people who lives with one foot in this universe, and the other in mysterious realms that I can only occasionally get glimpses of, bless her heart.   We usually do the dance of reaching across timelines and universes to finally meet at a common moment to do our work. So, the dance today was par for the course.

Her podcast, Journeys Into Enlightenment, was a conversation with Mmatheo Motsisi, a medical doctor, healer and shaman from South Africa, and the subject was living in Ubuntu, or Unity, in the cosmic sense.  It's a deep concept in African cultures, and after the hour-long conversation, Mmatheo was in tears attempting to communicate the depth of her feeling about this concept.  It was very sweet and moving.  Since I had just revisited some of those emotions the night before, I was particular empathetic and was right there with her.

The day proceeded routinely, other than an inquiry from one of my customers about why she couldn't find the CDB Hemp Oil on the site.   I had to tell her that due to PayPal's regressive policies about the sale of "marijuana" online, I could no longer offer it, and that the "half off" sale I was running 6 weeks ago was ended, but she could still purchase some--I'd just send her an anonymous link for payment.  I didn't hear back, so I guess the combination was a deal,-breaker.  Paypal suspended me back in August for a week when they noticed I was offering the hemp oil, which apparently was against their policies.  I'd had it on the website for over a year...

Well, it continues to rain lightly here, and the temps have definitely leveled out at a new low. It only got up to 46 today, with highs in the 50s for the rest of the week.  Oh, Kansas, you represent the seasons so well!

At this moment, I am left with a new-found allowance for my pain and the way my body is transforming.  My ego responses before have been reactions of fear, insecurity, and dread around my "condition" and "situation".  Now there's an over-arching feeling of nurturing and a level of "okay-ness" I haven't had before.

Soul Tracking #1 - A New Project of Self-Inquiry

Intro

This new blog project is intended to be a platform for reporting and then reflecting upon my life in the hopes it will assist others in their explorations of self.

I use the word "tracking" in the context of Toltec Shamanism, where the aspirant, or Nagual, "tracks" what it is he desires, where the journey created by the tracking through time reveals sub-conscious motivations that may be hindering spiritual (and mental, and physical) progress.

In this case, I'm tracking the Higher Self, or colloquially, The Soul, or the Cosmic Being of Self.  It is the big ME that is having its being throughout physical incarnation, and multiverse existences.

Mostly, this 'big me" is a big mystery, hence the desire to track its motions and machinations. From down here "on the ground" of 3D physicality, MOST of what's going on in the cosmic field of identity is frustratingly unavailable to my current way of perceiving.  So, I officially begin this tracking project, intending to make this a daily report, without doing what I normally do to "enter a headspace" for writing. So, we'll see what happens.

10.23.2019

For the past month or so I've been attempting to overcome longstanding de-hydration, which I suspect has been going on for 20 years or so.  As the aging process has inexorably ground on (I turned 67 in September), this de-hydration has created high levels of pain mostly in my arms and knees. 

The RE-hydration process is trickier than just drinking more water, because the body has adapted to low water intake and will expel water that is more than that low level.  It's as though it got used to being dry, and has set up several "systems" and strategies to protect itself from absorbing more than it has become accustomed to.

That said, during my sleep time, I've been waking up at 2-hour intervals to urinate. This is not the frequent urination of a swollen prostate--this is full-bladder peeing, so the kidneys are working overtime to expel all the "extra" water I've been drinking. I'm up to about 68 ounces of intake over a 24-hour period, with my target set at 95 oz. (the body weighs about 190 lbs, so the conventional wisdom is to drink half your body weight in ounces of water). 

Anyway... I turned out the light to go to sleep around 2:30 AM, and woke up at 3:33 AM to go pee.  As I came around to waking consciousness, I heard the word "Sekhmet" repeated over and over. In fact, I recalled dreaming the word that was like a mantra repeated under my dreaming.

At first, I thought, "Isn't Sekhmet an Egyptian form of Satan?"  Which kind of alarmed me, as if maybe there was somebody, or some entity cursing me with a dark agenda.  When I finished peeing, I looked up the word--Sekhmet is the Egyptian goddess of healing, depicted as a woman with a lioness head, toting a wand used to direct energy. "Set" is the Egyptian version of Satan, so I was way off on that one!

It's interesting that I had Sekhmet confused with Set, and it occurred to me that throughout my life I've been suspicious of all healers, so that a benevolent construct such as Sekhmet would take on a negative connotation.  I spotted that this extreme suspicion arose from an incident where I suffered an operation to remove a needle from my knee that I had accidentally driven into the right knee between the kneecap and femur from crawling around on a rug where my mom had carelessly left a needle she was using to sew a credit badge on my Cub Scout uniform.  Further exacerbating my fears of medical incompetence, when they wheeled me into the operating room, the doctor took a look at me and said, "You're not Suzie!" He laughed, "You almost had your tonsils taken out." 

The 4-hour operation was not successful, but my parents decided NOT to tell me that it was. I didn't find out until some 20 years later that the needle was left in my knee.  It never really caused any problems later in life, so I never went into any serious blame game around it.

Once I had identified the true identity of Sekhmet, I immediately received an intense download of energies.  An image of Sekhmet (similar to this one), appeared in my mind's eye, and she was waving and directing a long wand that was shooting an energy wave out of it into my body.  She was keeping her distance, as if any physical contact would be destructive.  This went on for just a few moments, and then she stepped back, but remained in my space.

Shortly, I was back asleep for another two-hour cycle, except this time, I woke up at 6:13--almost three hours--different than the usual 2-hour window.  When I woke up this time, it was from an interesting dream where the Queen of England was interviewing Barack Obama in the setting of a TV studio, and I was some sort of technician that was supposed to provide tea for both of them.  I apparently took my job very seriously, I stumbled into the middle of their on-air conversation carrying a huge cup of tea which I placed on a coffee table over which they were talking. They stopped, politely acknowledging me, but I knew it was a gaff of some kind.

Last night, I had a dream about Bill Clinton--I can't remember what it was about, and then another where I was advising Hillary Clinton about something.  I rarely have celebrity dreams, so three dreams in a row like this is weird.  Not sure what it means.

Since the two-hour sleeping routine has been going on, I've let myself sleep as long as I seem to need, which has been about 9-10 hours for the last 7-8 months.  Usually, the sleep is heavy with a lot of dreams, or I'll wake up feeling like I had just laid down--not remembering any passage of time. 

I do love to sleep, since it's the only activity I do that doesn't cause pain. It's difficult for me to wake up, and even more difficult for me to actually get up from the bed, due to extreme pain in the knees and arms, usually around an "8" or "8.5" (out of 10).  I procrastinate around doing anything physical--such as going to the store, shipping stuff at the post office, housework chores, or taking out the trash. 

I have limited my Ibuprofen or Aspirin intake to twice a day, as any more than that increases discomfort.  It usually takes 3-4 hours to notice any difference on Ibuprofen, and about an hour on the aspirin, but it lasts half as long.

I have tried A LOT of non-NSAID alternatives to the standard options, with nothing working with the exception of Ashwagandha.  If I take a couple of grams of it with Ibuprofen or aspirin, it decreases pain by another 20% from just Ibuprofen or aspirin alone, and on its own, will remove the "sharp" part of the pain, turning it more into an ache, which is more tolerable. 

I did finally lift myself out of bed to be officially "awake" around 2:30, after spending about an hour on my phone, doing email, and social media.  I have an online business, so it's necessary to "stay engaged", and luckily, it doesn't require moving around a lot--until I need to do some shipping of products, which has been frustratingly rare lately. 

I fixed my standard "breakfast" of eggs mixed with leftover veggies I steamed the night before, making a sort of "pancake" out of the mixture and then spreading plain yogurt on it.  I'll also fix a cup of coffee, and chow down. 

I've been taking the following supplements:  2-4 grams Vitamin C (with bioflavinoids); 2-4 grams of MSM; 4000 units of Vitamin D; 100 mg. Zinc; 2 grams fish oil; 1 gram Black Seed Oil; 1 gram mineral complex; and 500 mg B-complex.  I also take ionic minerals, extra magnesium, silver and 8 drops of Lugol's iodine. 

About 3:30 I hear a racket outside that sounded like a truck with a bad muffler, combined with some sort of compressor.  I sat wondering what the hell it was, finally getting curious enough to pull myself up to go to the front door and look out. 

It was a good ol' boy running a stump remover, to take out the last remnants of the 100-year old tree that was removed yesterday.  It had gotten struck by lightening and a huge branch (about half the tree, actually), fell on the porch roof, crushing it down about 18 inches.  The tree was rotting, so it really was a hazard, especially in Kansas weather, but I was sorry to see the old girl meet such a undignified end. 

That said, the extra sun will help keep things a littler warmer this winter--but then there's gonna be more heat in the summer.  Oh well, no biggie.  I might just plant another tree in its place for fun.

I did the rounds on social media. I've got a routine that seems to get some responses, although I'm never sure if I'm doing myself a favor, helping the business, or getting direct sales.  It, at least, keeps me engaged, and keeps me from worrying so much about whether or not I'll meet expenses for the month.

I do some posts on my Facebook profile. I've been doing cartoons I think are funny, or funny memes. I used to post spiritual nostrums, but NO ONE would "like" them, but when I post a funny cartoon, I'll get 20-30 "ha-ha's".  If I post a cute animal picture, I'll get 30-40 "hearts" and "likes". If anyone has to read any more than a short paragraph, they won't.  Such is the state of literacy in society these days.

I also have 3 FB pages, and 2 groups I post to, but I use Hootsuite to automatically post groups of postings I upload every month or two.  I participate in LinkedIn, Alignable (2 accounts), IBOToolbox, ReferralKey, ApSense, Minds.com, Patreon, and The Wellness Universe; and I've got four Twitter accounts I am active with daily: @pureenergyrx, @boydmartin, @broadcastmystic, and @djancient33. To do my daily input takes about 4 hours. I then spend another 3-4 hours inviting people to my profiles. 

I send out mail to my opt-in "active buyers" list on Mailchimp twice a month, and then do the amazing Quantum Health Newsletter twice a month, too.

Once a week I update the playlist schedule on Mystic Broadcast Network Radio at radio.co; and occasionally add content there.

And that's pretty much my daily "work".  I spend 2-3 hours in the evening watching very selective TV on my HDTV.  Currently, I'm on Season 5 of Star Trek Next Generation and plan to go to all the seasons of Deep Space Nine next.  I also watch new episodes of "Bull" on my CBS All Access pass; and "The Good Fight" is pretty good; and "Strange Angel"--mostly as a social anthropologist.

My news sources on YouTube are Jordan Sather; Edge of Wonder; Sphere Being Alliance; and very occasionally RT.  I like to watch Bill Maher replays and watch him squirm in delight to the bizarre antics of the current President. 

OK, so it's past time for dinner.  Tune in tomorrow!