Why Do Resolutions Fail?

I'm tempted every year at this time to go on a rant about "New Year's Resolutions", and this year I think it's time to burst the bubble of control many of us believe we have that would make us believe we can "keep" those resolutions made.

One of my beloved mentors was ranting the other day about "Vision Boards". She noticed that every year the boards were pretty much the same--the pictures of the lavish mansion, the perfect body, the epic love affair, the wedding ring... And after eight years, none of her "visions" for the future had come true.

She believes the reason for this is that envisioning a "goal" or a desire is not about the simple exercise of imagination. It's, instead, all about ENERGY. So now, my friend creates an "Energy Board" to remind her of that fact.

All things are possible in this universe. ALL things are possible. This is first premise that must be embraced before any "visioning" can become a reality. We so often, right off the bat, disallow certain possibilities because we've chosen to make it so. "I'm never going to have a lot of money." "I'm always going to be fat." "I'm never going to find that perfect love", etc. etc. Now, all these conclusions are underlying all the desires to the contrary. So when you make a vision board, you immediately collide with the reality of your conclusions. And the visioning becomes wistful daydreaming that overlays what you know to be true about life--these things are just not possible.

These "realities" that you know to be true, are actually arbitrary choices that have been made and reinforced through experience. These "realities" become a point of view about life, and limit what is possible for you, this Infinite Being.

First, it's not about "control". There is no such thing as "controlling your life". We believe we have control because we can make some predictions about what is going to happen based on specific actions we take: I'm controlling my life by getting up every day at 7AM, doing my workout, then driving to work. I'm in control. This is an illusion. What is happening here is that you are simply following along a certain pattern of energy that you chose in the past.

This is an important distinction. You choose a certain energy that then expresses itself as your life. You are not "controlling" anything. You are choosing energies, and what unfolds as a result of those choices is what you think you are controlling.

In a sense, choice could be considered control, but if anything it's the ONLY control you have, and it completely eclipses any abilities you may think you have to "make things happen." This is why there is "failure". Failure is a conflict one has with the energies they've chosen. I failed to be a success at my job because what it would take to succeed at that job goes against all the choices I've made to the contrary.

The beautiful thing about this conundrum is that you have a choice. You can choose your way out of a bad situation, bad feelings, a bad life. The key is to continue to choose what it is you truly desire, and this requires honest assessments. What makes me feel really light, excited, inspired and lifted up? Well, go that way!

"Following The Energy" is an ancient operating mode of shamans. They choose a desired energy they want to have in their life, and then follow it through time by continuing to choose it and doing actions that resonate with that energy. This is powerful because it breaks open newer and greater possibilities that they continue to choose and act within that energy.

Rather than make "resolutions", choose an energy you would really like to have and feel in your life, and then as the possibilities and opportunities present themselves, simply re-choose and act. It's the truest way to actualize any desire, and will ensure you have a fabulous 2017!

So What's the Big Deal with Choice?

You hear it floating around in memes and discussion groups on the Internet--and you may have even said it yourself: "Happiness is a choice". I'm always needing to correct the oversimplified grammar by insisting: "Well, choice itself is not happiness. You choose to be happy, and then proceed from there." Much better.

I've heard many folks say, "Well, it's just not that simple. Sometimes making a choice to be happy is just not available, or so unrealistic that it's unobtainable." Yes, there's that. But I would like to remind these folks that the quantum universe within which we live and have our being, exists solely and simply because of choices.

Quantum physicists refer to the strange motions and transformations of quantum particle/waves as "making choices" as to which way they go upon observation, or what forms they take instantaneously over vast distances. There seems to be a sort of meta-intelligence driving it all, and scientists apply that awareness to quantum particle states. This is because quantum particles, or waves, instantly respond to human consciousness--as though that observing consciousness is being answered by another observing consciousness. So it's difficult to call what quantum particles and waves are doing anything other than intelligent.

Hence, the entire physical world is in a constant state of "choosing" what to be, where to be it, and how to get there. And we either consciously participate in that choosing, or not.

So a better retort to the happiness-is-a-choice meme, is, Why do there appear to be limited choices, or no choices at all? Ultimately, I believe it boils down to judgements and conclusions. Judgements and conclusions are what make up our belief systems--what we accept as true, and what we accept as false.

When we conclude, like the Bruce Hornsby song, "That's just the way it is," there's just no wiggle room for any choices. Hornsby, mercifully, tags that hook with, "But don't you believe it"-- opening the door for new possibilities and new choices.

Choice creates new awarenesses, and these new awarenesses make possible more choices, until literally all the possibilities of life are available. So, the trick is to first, spot where you've made a conclusion about a situation, condition, or predicament, and just ask, What can change here? Sit with that question until you begin to get a download of quantum particles and waves drawn to you because of the question. These quantum intelligences are all about change, so when you start asking about it, they're right there with you all ready to give you that vital information.

Then, it's just a matter of choosing what to do next. The choice you make is usually the one that feels the lightest, or excites and inspires you. As you proceed, taking action from that choice, keep asking, What else can change here? Or, How does it get any better? Or, simply feel gratitude for the infinite possibilities of life; and soon, things will really begin to open up--all because you just asked a question.

In many cultures around this time of year, it is customary to renew family ties, exchange gifts and, in most cases, relive childhood issues with parents and siblings. What if it could be different? How could it be different? This year, try asking these questions. Who knows what wonderfulness could be in store?

What's Perfect About This I'm Not Getting?

If you live long enough, you'll have the opportunity to make miscalculations. Maybe a few little ones, or one or more really big ones. It's just part of Life on Planet Earth. The thing is, though, miscalculations only seem like they are while you're in the middle of them, or just shortly after them. Then, something interesting happens: perspective.

I was chatting with my brother today about hindsight--that perfect 20/20 vision attained long after an apparent miscalculation. "I coulda done it this way. Or, this way. I shoulda done it this other way and I'd be way ahead." These coulda/shoulda's serve more as self-recriminations than actual astute analyses. Ultimately, you make the choices you make, and the consequences of those choices are reflected in your daily life.

I've had the occasion lately to have made a string of apparent miscalculations regarding the business and personal finances, promotional strategies, all combined with what I thought I actually wanted. Without going into detail about the specific events, suffice it to say, after all the miscalculations and choices were made, I ended up: 1) homeless (except for my brother's hospitality); 2) significantly in debt to the bank, customers, and the government; 3) exhausted, disillusioned and flabbergasted as to how quickly my life seemed to completely fall apart in the course of a few short weeks.

All the old saws have been running continuously through my head: "Things need to fall apart so they can come together in a new way"; "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"; and my favorite, "What's perfect about this I'm not getting?"

My theory is that at the end when our life flashes before us--our deeds, misdeeds, intentions and aspirations, there comes a moment where there must be a glimpse of our life as being perfect. Everything happened the way it happened to bring about the greatest growth or realization of the greatest potential possible. If this death bed vision didn't happen, how could we let go? Regrets, "hind signt", and all the couldas and shouldas must coalesce into a vision of a grand scheme that both allows us to feel the exhilaration of completion, and the sublime re-assurance that a loving universe has done all it could to hold us in its embrace, despite our choices. At least, I hope that's what's going to happen when I finally kick the bucket.

With that end-times vision in mind, why not apply it to our situations, predicaments, and self-recriminations we experience every day? How are the choices I am making now contributing to the perfection of my life? Or, what about the choices I've made is perfect? It must be perfect because the overall shape of my life is a circle--the creation of a beginning, middle and ending, where all of it was laid out across this canvas of linear time at its inception.

Now, when I say "perfect", I'm talking about a result of the greatest good not only for me, but for all of humanity, the planet and the universe. This is way beyond my petty desires for how I would like everything to turn out. It's the perfection of a wholistic vision that is personal existence, that contributes all of its energies toward the creation of Universal Love.

Holding the question of how this perfection is playing out in my life when everything is falling apart, is the creative key to better outcomes, higher experiences, and greater self love. We don't have to know "how" this is perfect, or "why" it's perfect; just that it's perfection in the making, as yet not fully realized, and yet ultimately a complete expression of Universal Love.

Before I wax utterly cosmic, that ancient Taoist story comes to mind of the wise old farmer who owned a horse. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.

The following day, the farmer's son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.

The take away, for me, is that the ultimate universal perfection is unknowable while we are in the linearity of time; but the belief in the existence of perfection is what can give our lives meaning and inspiration.

That's why, when my friends and family send their sympathies and condolences about my situation, I reply, "May be"...

Asking & Receiving: What Could Go Wrong?

We've all had it drilled into our wooden little heads since we were wee ones: "Ask and you shall receive", and for many of us, the full meaning of that simple phrase has escaped our complete comprehension for most of our lives.

First of all, just asking does not imply that I'm ready to accept what comes as the result of the ask. "I've been asking and asking, and nothing is showing up", is a common lament (nowhere more common than in my own life I dare say).

"Well," says the lightly sarcastic voice of my guide, Marty, "Asking ain't receiving, buddy," in his best Robert DeNiro. "You have to be completely--and I mean completely willing to receive the result of what you're asking for."

Marty continues on, "What YOU do, is ask (a lot, by the way), and then when stuff starts showing up, the FIRST thing you do is judge it, come to a conclusion about its value, and then go back to asking. You see, the thing you asked for has just started to show up, and rather than welcome it into your life, you give it the third degree! No wonder stuff stops showing up--it's scared of you!"

I have to admit I do catch myself doing that now and then, but now that Marty has made a bigger deal of it, I see that my critical nitpicking was like putting a giant fire-breathing dragon at the entrance of my life with a big sign, "Perish those who enter this way." Yikes.

"The other thing," Marty says, sighing, "You gotta see how what is showing up is exactly what you are asking for. Rather than criticizing what's showing, how about changing what you're asking? Huh, bub?" Ouch.

And this is where I can use some other assistance tools, such as "What else is possible in receiving what I'm asking for?" "What else can I ask for that more closely matches what I desire?" Or, if I really want to gain some revealing awareness, "What is the lie in what I'm asking for that keeps me from receiving it?"

I see Marty is giving me his thumbs up. "Okay, that's a good start. Now, what we need to look at is how you're being a big know-it-all." Uh, oh. I've been accused of that by a couple of ex-wives.

"Look, if what you know is causing you to want something other than what you have, then that something is not something you know about, capiche? You want something different, and then when it starts showing up, what do you do? 'Eh, that doesn't work,' or 'I already know that,' or 'I've seen that before.' Uh, news flash: NO, YOU HAVEN'T!" Marty is looking at me like my high school English teacher did when I tried to correct her and I was incorrect myself.

"Again, say you are looking for a new, different, bigger, better way to promote the business, and then, your cute little blonde neighbor comes over and starts talking about how good she is at social media, and your response is, 'Nah, that doesn't work for my business', then you're being a big, fat know it all. Maybe she is the exact person to tell you the answer to your question--being the messenger of the universe and all. And instead, you start shooting her down and dissing everything. Is it any wonder you aren't receiving when you do that?"

Again, ouch. I'm seeing that when the universe sends an answer via a person and you interpret that what you are hearing from them is stuff you already "know", then you're not receiving what you asked for. Instead, pick their brain--find out what it is they know that you don't that is the answer to what you've been asking for.

"Bravo, mate!" Marty is chiming in with his best Australian. "Saying or thinking that you know something doesn't get you anything new. Being curious about what the hell you don't know is a much more fruitful path--in fact, it's pretty much the only path to discovery."

I'm nodding my head. Okay, this know-it-all nitpicker is choosing another way to be. I hereby proclaim to the Universe, I am ready--really ready--to receive! Join me, won't you?

Are You Living A Story You're Not Aware Of?

Lately I've been paying attention to what story I've been living. You'd think it would be obvious, just by looking around my life and noticing the patterns. But that doesn't account for habits of perception, and blind spots.

What I mean by "habits of perception" are packaged conclusions you've made that amount to preconceived ideas about the "way things are", or the "way things should be". These are judgments and points of view, that can be changed, provided enough mindfulness is employed.

These preconceived "lessons" we've "learned" from life can create blind spots of assumptions. For example, just today I spotted myself commenting, "Well, I better get busy, or I won't make any money this month." This gem is chock full of assumptions about how money comes to me, or "how the world works"--you gotta work hard to make money. We just sort of off-handedly live by these "rules", when they are based almost completely on incorrect conclusions made when we were much younger, and less wise. Yet, here we are, spouting these life rules without any critical thinking or regard to their veracity.

String enough of these rules together, and they form a narrative--a story of our life and how it unfolds for us. The thing is, it's based almost entirely on past conclusions, judgments and points of view. The fact that, in many cases, the story has been proven unworkable and sometimes miserable, doesn't seem to cause any introspection. Why? Because it's all tangled up in who and what we believe we are.

We've come to believe (because we've accepted certain things as "true"), for example, that "nothing comes easy for me." And, even when something DOES come easy, there is no alarm or red flag to tell us that our little story about how nothing comes easy has just been contradicted. Instead, we ignore that information. But when corroborating evidence that things don't come easy arrives, we are quick to jump on it as definitive evidence of the "truthiness" and consistency of our story.

This selective awareness or filtering of evidence we use to justify our precious stories, is also the way we can change a story we do not want to live in anymore. Just as we ignored exceptions to the "rule" (that nothing comes easy, for example), we can now notice the exceptions and make THAT the evidence that our story is changing. Once we make ONE exception the rule, it all starts to shift. The trick is being able to SEE evidence contradicting our stories.

One way to increase mindfulness is by using gratitude. We are grateful for what we have, and grateful when things "come together" with ease and joy. Without gratitude, we would tend to simply overlook these moments of ease and joy because they contradict our ongoing narrative (that life never comes easy).

Another technique is to "re-frame"--where we re-contextualize what we are experiencing into a positive narrative. For example, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere--I may be under some sort of deadline--and traffic seems so slow, and that street is blocked off for a festival, or there's a tree down in the road--I would immediately jump to this being evidence of how HARD things are, and nothing comes easy. Instead, by re-framing I become grateful for these slow drivers who are timing my travels so I won't get into an accident in my haste.

In these ways, we can get out in front of our story, and make whatever changes we choose about how the story unfolds.

A long time ago, my guru told me, "Do you know how to train a cat? You wait until it does something you want it to do, and then reward it." Life is much like that--it's flowing according to the story you're creating, and will immediately change course if you do. Change course with gratitude and re-framing.

The Quantum Impossibility of Aloneness

We are at a pivotal time in human history. Science is in the process of proving that there is a single matrix within which all things are affected by all other things. There are hypotheses that what is called "quantum entanglement" is not just for the smallest of of the small, but that it is a central feature of ALL the physical world.

Let's sit with that for a second... The butterfly flaps its wings and volcanoes erupt on the opposite side of the planet; a fly is caught in a spider's web, and half a world away, a quarter mile of glacier calves into the sea; a wolf howls in Alaska, and a geyser erupts in Borneo. These images convey the oneness of a whole system--a system with an infinite number of moving parts, yet each part holographically existing as part of each other part.

Science experiments have been underway to verify that what we used to think of as mechanistic, unconnected, random events are, in fact, very much connected. And we, as points of conscious awareness, have the ability--as do all living things--to tune in and experience any and all of it.

After working for a while with these concepts, it's certainly not a stretch to see the world as a sentient being, reacting to and reflecting back to us our own intentions, feelings, and desires. It is ONLY our choices, decisions, judgments and conclusions that make life seem so distant, so disconnected from us, and so completely reliant on the application of our personal energies for anything to change.

Of course, the universe is nothing BUT change, each quantum bit, subatomic particle wave, atom and molecule has a purpose, an intelligence that is moving to our beckon call, should we desire it.

As psychologically complicated as we like to think we are, we are experts at making life a problem--a hell hole of pain and suffering--where nothing goes the way we want it to, and misery is the over-arching theme of this gawd-awful cesspool of life. With each new tragedy and drama, further proof is set forth about the "TRUTH" of this.

We are, simply, excellent victims. It's so much easier that way. You can avoid responsibility for creating anything, and then get to wallow in sumptuous self-pity until the cows come home--and they, tragically, never do.

The point I want to get to is that we are not islands. We are not separate "points of light" scattered across the void. The "void" is very much an ocean of connectivity, communion and consciousness. Our very atomic structure is intermingled with that of exploding stars, whirling galaxies and all the sentience that created it.

It becomes nearly impossible to feel alone if you embrace these concepts. In fact, do this thought experiment: Close your eyes. Now, in your imagination, imagine another being is sitting next to you. It can be somebody you know, or not, and they don't have to be human. Now, ask this being some questions, such as, What's your name? Where do you live? Do you know who I am? What is you main talent? What do you see that I'm really good at?

Shortly, you'll realize you've been having a conversation with this "imaginary friend", and notice that you didn't know the answers to the questions you were asking them--they did. This being exists .

You've probably heard about people having "guides" or "angels" that show up at crucial moments in a person's life to help make a pivotal decision or bring about a revelation. Well, this is how you can find your own guides. Just "imagine" them beside you, and begin to have a relationship with them.

There have been theories tossed around that the imagination is really a sort of clearing house, where our desires meet the sentience of the physical world. That sentience is constantly engaged in partnering with you to construct your life based on your desires, conclusions and judgments. I tend to agree (and this has been posited by some scientists) that the sentience of the physical world is amoral--that is, it has no judgment as to what is "right" and "wrong". It's humans that are excellent at doing that, and we do it almost automatically. Why? To make a story. To show ourselves how good or bad we are, and thus, create the matrix for games and adventures, either sorrowful or exciting.

So, choose to embrace this Oneness of Life. Reach out for it, interact with it, experience its deep sentience and observe it responding and reacting to your intentions and desires. Soon you will discover the perfect partner you never thought you had--the most intimate confidant; the most empowering coach, and deeply loving lover. And all it has ever taken--all it ever takes--is making that choice.

Live lightly, feel deeply...

My friend and remarkable artist and poet, Paul Bond, posted this on Facebook: "Aldous Huxley, the renowned 20th-century intellectual who wrote 'Brave New World', came to regret only one thing in life: how 'preposterously serious' he had been when he was younger.

"There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That's why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling... Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you're feeling deeply."

Yeah, leave it to Huxley to pretty consistently blow my mind. He pulls apart two normally connected states: feeling light = feeling happy or frivolous; feeling deeply = feeling heavy. In fact, we even have the hippy vernacular, "That's heavy, man" in reacting to a spiritually deep, existential concept. And we pull back so as not to be sucked into the quicksands of our own life's ultimate meaning.

Huxley is suggesting to instead feel deeply the existential truth in the experience of life, without any need to heap loads of significance on it, or make it more important than anything else in this world.

If you've done any "manifesting" study, you know that usually the lightest of requests submitted to the Universe creates the fastest results. The Universe's responses, our body's needs, the consciousness of non-corporeal beings, God, even the thoughts of others, come into our awareness as whispers. We get used to a certain amplitude of cacophony in our modern society that seems to "drown out" these whispers and makes life seem "heavy" and isolated. We feel we need to work hard, slave away, keep our noses to the grindstone and only accept those obviously physical things as valid to our perceptions. The rest of the whispers lose their relevance.

Remember the butterfly flapping its wings causing an earthquake on the other side of the world? It's the leveling of the playing field between extreme amplitude and zero state--all is the same meaning, all is simply an effect. Everything is important, and yet nothing is, because it is all one system--one infinite connection of everything.

Perhaps it's a habit to only pay attention to big, loud, explosive experiences that rattle our senses and create flight or flight responses, when these types of experiences are the exception, not the rule. By keeping our filters turned up to protect ourselves from the intermittent drama-trauma of life, why not re-tune?

Take down the filters. Allow it all, feel it all, but skip lightly around and through it without caring or needing to somehow "do" something about it. The "doing" is not what is important. What is important is who you are being, because the Universe is responding only to how you are being, one way or the other. Why not lighten your life by being light? Be engaged with the vast and mysterious depths of life and yet enjoy the "unbearable lightness of being"?